I'm a Judger. And I'm Judging You..

I'm going to try to curb the negativity after this post. I actually get pretty irritated with myself when I look back at my blog and see nothing but negativity. Ugh. I know no one wants to read that and I should just create an entirely different blog for my rants and raves. What say you?

I have a facebook. I post there. Yesterday, I posted this:

I'm hoping that by me being so open about breastfeeding around my younger cousins (boys and girls) , they'll have a positive opinion about it and maybe they'll be supportive of it when they have children.

What I was saying was that because the women in my family either decided not to breastfeed or chose to formula feed after a few weeks there haven't been any real positive breastfeeding role models around here. And the little boys and girls, that are ages 12 and under, see breasts as merely a taboo [sexual] thing. This thought came to me as I was breastfeeding Austin on the couch without a cover and they crowded around me. They were asking questions about why he eats that way and how long he'd eat that way, etc. One little boy actually said, after I'd explained everything, that he was going to have his wife breastfeed his baby for ten years or something like that. It was cute. I started thinking how great it felt to shed a positive light on the subject since no one else was doing it. And I'm hoping that when they become mothers and fathers, they'll at least consider it. If they don't, *shrugs* okay. But at least they won't say no because "boobies are for pleasure, not food".

As usual, I got a few supportive comments. I just love my crunchy mamas! And also, as usual- there was one girl who didn't agree with what I said. This was her response.

just beacause people dont choose to breastfeed doesnt mean they have a negative opinion and dont support it... lol :)

uhm...I'm almost POSITIVE that I didn't say that if you don't breastfeed, you're not supportive. No, check that..I know for a FACT that was not what I had said. So I addressed it and this is what I said.

‎@cassandra-No one said that at all. For as much negativity you bring on here it seems like you feel judged by those of us who've chosen differently. No one is judging you. And I don't believe that if you choose not to then you're not supportive.

My younger cousins have been taught (by unsupportive people) that boobs are purely sexual. And I'm glad to be changing that view so that they can decide for themselves. I don't want them to believe that they (or they're wives) shouldn't breastfeeding because boobs are sexual.

To which she responded.

lol that because you judge Kiranda! you totally judge people who dont choose to do what you think is best. you talk down on people who didnt breastfeed by choice or by "not being informed" go back and read some of your own stuff . either way its a CHOICE and a personal one at that. ur statement above to me sounds like ur saying that people who dont do it are wrong or that if they dont make that choice there wrong and just like people shouldnt shove formula in ur breastfeeding kit shoving it in ur face people should RESPECT some ones choice to not do it cause when you choose not to alls people do is shove breasfeeding down your throat EVERYWHERE you go every appt to anything everywhere! its annoying.... so whateve ill not comment on your status anymore my bad (thats only what there for yaknow)

*le sigh* I was going to write a comment, but I figured I'd save my breath for the blog. I have like ZERO energy to keep fighting this girl. I think it's time I "keep it real".

I don't "judge" you unless you choose not to feed your child. That is the only time I think you're horrible. I shake my head at your lame excuses reasons for not breastfeeding. Especially when you either gave up without trying or it became hard. Especially when you look at me and say, "I wish I could've breastfed." Uhm..you could've. But that's another story... If you've read anything that I write and feel like I'm "judging you"...maybe it's less about me and more about the fact that you feel guilty. I don't know and I, frankly, don't care.

My status above was saying one thing and because of her own insecurity on the subject, she decides to lash out. This is not a new thing. Whenever I say anything related to my parenting choices, she has something negative to say. And the only reason I haven't removed her is because my other friends are quick to educate. We need that other voice in there to get the conversations started. But she's a nitpicker, an agitator, and a drama starter. And it's old.

Let me clarify: Your choice is your choice. It is WRONG to label a kit full of formula as "BREASTFEEDING RESOURCES" because that's not what it is. And why is breastfeeding "shoved" in your face, because it is best. Try to argue with me on that one and you WILL lose. Quickly, even.

And you can remove yourself because I've got over 800 friends..I will NOT miss you, chick.

So if it helps you sleep at night and ease your own guilt, yes- I'm judging you.


  1. I really admire you for going for something that was not demonstrated to you in your family. And I'm glad you don't let people get away with breastfeeding lameness, you want both mothers and babies to not let the opportunity slip through their fingers. Your honesty is so refreshing to me! But to say their reasons are excuses and are lame ones at that does sound harsh to me. We can't know what is really going on especially in their mind and heart and what we would have done. But uninformed mothers do surprise and admittedly annoy me. Just today I was thinking about an interview I read a ways back with Nicole Richie where she was telling a "cute" little story about being in the hospital after giving birth to her daughter. She nursed on one side for half an hour before the nurse suggested she switch sides, which she had not because she didn't know that that's what you do... So she just admitted she went through a 9 month pregnancy without bothering to acquire the most basic info about feeding your baby: when you breastfeed you switch sides. Wow, that was sad lol. Anyway, don't worry about negativity. Lots of people feel ashamed of the baby blues but they are real, and blogging can be therapeutic. It is honest and a way to receive support and know that your not alone in the issues. I don't think it's a problem.

  2. I wanted to breastfeed so bad. I figured I was well endowed for it and quickly learned with all 3 that size does not matter. I couldn't do it at all, never produced enough milk EVER and I tried everything..

  3. I have no idea where that chick got a negative status at. I don't see it. Maybe I'm blind. When I first started breastfeeding my son I stayed at the LCs office to figure out what the heck I was doing wrong and I remember checking out books on bfing when pregnant. I do have to say when I was in the hospital I got the same bags full of formula for breastfeeding. To me I personal thought it was their way of saying " it's not going to work out here's some formula". The doctor at my sons 1st appt was stressing me out that he wasn't gaining enough fom just bfing. Well, at 4 months we came back and he was almost off the charts at 17 lbs! Great boob juice and formula can kiss my bootay! I'm glad we stuck withb breastfeeding. And I'm glad you chose to breastfeed as well!

  4. @LB- thank you! when i say that they have "excuses" or "lame" reasons i'm addressing the ones who essentially made up their mind beforehand that they weren't going to do it and then said something lame as an excuse so that people don't look down on them. ie: i didn't produce enough milk. but you know what? i don't either. but there are ways to maintain/up your supply that are natural, healthy ways. all that aside- i've found that a lot of people assume that babies are born with large stomachs when they're not. now i will say there are those who had serious issues and if you did, you know i'm not talking to you. in any case- i wish women CARED enough to make an informed choice. i, admittedly, have been this girl in other areas of life [politics] and i am correcting that ignorance. yk? it's cool to not breastfeed if you don't wanna. it is your choice. i just believe in exploring all avenues before deciding.

    @SWA- i didn't read your comment when i posted the above. my heart goes out to you though. if you don't mind me prying, what made you think you didn't produce enough? i thought the same thing too until i did more research, but i have known women who couldn't get any milk out at all. so i'm not doubting you, just inquiring.

    @MM- EXACTLY- maybe we both suffer from negativity blindness. lol i feel like it's a slap in the face when i tell a doc im bfing and they give me formula. bfing isn't an exact science and thats why they don't like it. they can't measure it, they cant regulate it...so it must be bad. lol

  5. Hey whatever - everyone judges others in positive and negative ways. She was judging you as being judgmental after all LOL!

  6. Oh I have very strong opinions on the subject! I'm definitely a judger, & I'm ok with that LOL! I spent the better part of 8 years breastfeeding...I see pure selfishness drive many women in to making the decision to bottle feed & that annoys the crap out of me! I could go on forever, but I won't LOL...good for you for sticking with your principles...breast IS best& lame excuses & not taking responsibility for YOUR OWN EDUCATION doesn't cut it with me...a parent has a responsibility to educate themselves on any & all big issues, it is NOT the job of your health care provider (though they SHOULD, but we know they don't, so be a frikkin grown up & take responsibility for your own decisions!). In this day & age, everything in the world is at your fingertips, ignorance is not a valid excuse! However, I have no struggle with those who made an EDUCATED choice for valid reasons, & there are certainly women who just can't for various reasons. Alright, enough outta me LOL!

    My acceptance speech is finally up chickie, thnx again for all the love!

  7. Here Here! Thanks for the love & understanding ladies. And Mrs Mayor: you rock my face!

  8. same way around here. i openly breastfeed around my neice and nephew for the same reasons. their mom breastfed a few short weeks then switched to formula. i don't know the reasons and i'm not going to ask because they're 10 and 12 now, no future babies in sight. It would be pointless.
    BUT I do have young minds in front of me and I would hope that breastfeeding be viewed as a NORMAL HEALTHY ACT of a mother feeding her baby. Because that's all it is.

    My niece one day was saying how one of her friends was never breastfed (i guess i got her thinking!!) I replied, yup and some moms choose that. I would hope that when you have babies, if you want to breastfeed, that you would surround yourself with women who can help you and support you. Because sometimes it's a rough start, but it's worth it in the end."

    Be praying she can come and live with me. btw. She needs out from under her emotionally and mentally abusive mother.

  9. You clearly like drama, or else you wouldn’t be starting bullshit over a comment, it was a petty ass comment get the fuck over it. One has not only the ability to perceive the world, but an ability to alter her perception of it... put more simply, one can change things by the manner in which one looks at them, what you said you were trying to say is not what I got from it mostly because you like I stated be4 judge people who dont do as you do… you did it again in your own blog! And you have in countless comments be4 for sure and probly blogs too except I don’t read blogs so who knows. On another note I think its discusting that you feel the need to write what was pretty much a hate blog about me over this . Especially when I hardly attack or degrate anyone in the matter in which you do… but you’ve always been a stuck up bitch since high school and as far as I was concerned we never got along so it was a surprise to me when you requested to be my friend but now I see why… when you said “And you can remove yourself because I've got over 800 friends..” after that it became very clear because that’s the kinda girl you are you are a score keeper and someone who stirs the pot on purpose, u try to get debates going you even said in one of your own comments on your status “and can i just say...i love it when people comment. i mean, it doesn't matter which side of the fence you're on...all that matters is getting the dialogue out there. and maybe more people will make informed choices in the future. i just love it. it makes my heart beat faster.” that’s discusting kiranda! that’s a direct quote copy and paste from ur own shit! AND it goes to show you how hypocritical your being you just said you like the comments no matter which side so whats ur huge problem with me? And I personally would rather have 5 close friends that 800 nobodies… but that’s just me, and hun your friends are “not quick to educate me” there word vomit is just as useless as yours. I don’t like drama I just throw down when you come at me.. You are nothing to me, so go fuck yourself and blog about that bitch!

  10. Unlike you im not "too good" to delete bitches like yourself so yea i took care of it for us and karma will take care of you for me have a nice life score keeper, yaknow you should really try being more humble and down to earth it does the soul good and you... your soul needs help

  11. Dude, Cassandra, it wasn't a hate blog. It wasn't even close to a hate blog. If it were, I would probably be the first on the scene to say "Hey Kiranda, stop being a bitch." I mean, it is what it is, and you feel the way you feel, just like Kiranda feels the way she does. I notice that whenever she posts something naturally related, you're usually the first voice of dissent on the scene. It's almost like you're trying to pick a fight anytime she posts a status on HER OWN page. It's not as if she's going (I'm assuming) to your page and telling you you're a bad mother because you chose to formula feed. I don't recall her ever saying that on her own page. I almost always comment on what you say because I don't want *others* thinking that what you say is bond (especially if it leads closer to fearmongering or misinformation, no offense; the vaccine debate is what comes to mind first). It's not about pissing YOU off, it's about informing others of a side of parenting they may not have known they had an option of choosing. There is NOTHING wrong with opening the doors for (correct) information and dialogue, questions and challenges. HOW on earth is anyone going to learn anything if they only ever hear one side of the story. It TOTALLY makes my day when I read comments like, "Wow, I never thought of that," or "I didn't know I had a choice," because that means people's eyes are being opened to the truth that THEY ARE in control and CAN say no, or whatever it was they didn't think they could.

    Her problem with you is that you apparently are so thin-skinned that you seem to think every natural parenting comment is intended to stab at what you seem to feel are inadequacies in yourself. You are negative when you comment, then try to play it off by adding a ":)" at the end. Sarcasm doesn't deplete at the onset of a smiley face. When she reiterates (yet again) that it's not a jab towards anyone OTHER than the few people in her parent's house and their snide comments about her breastfeeding and their negative connotations about it towards her younger cousins (I mean, unless you were the one in the room with her acting up...). That was VERY clear in her post and you jumped in anyway trying to defend your own choice to formula feed. When she tried to clear up the apparent confusion, you snapped. Frankly, I'd be irritated as well. She probably doesn't delete you for the same reason I wouldn't: she still wants you to be aware of other options that you may not have thought about, and you may be exposed to them through her posts. But if you are too thin skinned and tend to take EVERYTHING she writes as a personal attack against you, then yes, maybe it would be better if YOU made the choice to remove yourself from the situation.

    I really hope you will choose to be more positive in the future. Because what I've seen here and on facebook is simply ridiculous. *peace sign*

  12. @CassiopiaTheOnly
    I don't know you, but I'm floored by your mature comment. (honestly) It's like night and day between the two. Very well said, although I don't personally know anybody hear beyond the web.


Tell me how you REALLY feel. C'mon..just TELLLLLL me. I love your comments.


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