lightbulb.

"when the oceans rise and thunders roar, i will soar with you above the storm. Father, You are King over the flood. i will be still and know You are God."

it's amazing to me how quickly i can recite something or sing a song lyric and not even realize what it is that i'm saying. i mean REALLY know what it is that i'm saying. and then there's that "ah-ha!" moment. this weekend has been full of those.

as i approached my twenty-fifth birthday, i was having serious anxiety over it all. for as long as i could remember, twenty-five signaled adulthood. no longer would i have any restrictions over my life. i'd be an adult..FINALLY. and my life was supposed to look a certain way. to say that there was a bit of disappointment as the clock struck 3:02pm {the time i was born} is an understatement. i didn't have a novel published. i wasn't pregnant with my third child. i didn't have a blossoming teaching career. i didn't have a popular and well - liked album on itunes. my marriage wasn't perfection. but like i said before...i was right where i needed to be.

this past weekend pastor jim talked about the story of abraham. we're doing a Heroes series in church, talking about ordinary people with extraordinary impact. the first person being abraham. did you know that abraham was seventy-five years old when God told him to leave everything he knew behind and follow God towards His promise? did you know he was one hundred years old before that promise was even fulfilled. that's twenty-five years guys! MY ENTIRE LIFE. first off, can you imagine getting THAT call from God? {go, leave your home and your family and follow me to an unknown destination}....um, i can tell you right now there'd be a lot of, "wait...you want me to do WHAT, God? hmm i don't know....." let's be honest!! we all would be TERRIFIED. and then to not see any real indication of those promises happening any time soon? yea, i can see some bravado starting to waver. 

we'd all be like Sarah...{formerly Sarai}, abraham's wife. let's create a shortcut. let's do this OUR way. which will only yield unhappy results. and despite knowing this...why do i continue to think it's my way or the highway?

talk about a lightbulb switching on. there's a lot more to this whole story and i really implore you to check it out. Genesis 12-22 is where you can find it. really..go read it. what's beautiful about the whole thing is that despite it all....the uncertainty, the waiting, the doubt...Abraham trusted in God and His promise. God promised all of His children two things: that the journey has a happy ending and that He'll be with us the entire way. yes...even YOU! i don't know what else He has in store for me, but i'm learning to just trust and know that it's all in His hands and i don't have to worry about any of it.

i'm the QUEEN of taking matters into my own hands and making my own decisions because i *CLEARLY* know what's best for me. "hey God...hey, yea..i think i'll take it from here". and like the great Father He is...He lets me make those decisions and lets me fall on my face because He knows that's what i need. and He allows those things to happen because He is an amazing, loving Father. and when i'm crying out for help, no matter WHAT i may have done...HE. IS. THERE. every single time. without fail. all i have to do is ask and He'll provide.

He just wants our love and devotion. He wants to help us. He wants to fulfull His promises to us. and who am i to get in the way of that? i don't want to anymore. and i guess i never really have, but i wasn't aware that i was even doing it. i want to follow Him. i want to please Him. i want to remove myself from the equation and just follow His will. whatever it may be for my life. 

i want to pursue a life of significance, not success. i want to have a prompt faith, a contagious faith, an enduring faith. i believe that God has provided for me and you and He'll always provide. He sent His only Son to provide everlasting life and that, in and of itself, was already too much. but i am THANKFUL. i am so thankful that i know Him as my Father and that i know i don't have to do any of this alone. i've never actually been alone, even when it felt like it. He was standing there all along just waiting for me to look around and see Him and call out to Him. what an amazing God i serve. 

Daily Devotional: Move Over Mean Girl

i've said it a million times and i'll keep saying it, i belong to the most amazing church. lake city community church here in lakewood is ah-may-zing. i'm part of a small group, solo parenting moms, and it's been a tremendous factor in helping me deal with my depression. upon the suggestion of some of the ladies, i've begun starting my mornings with some one on one time with Christ. spending some time in the Word, so that i can have better perspective on the day. that's one thing that tends to affect how i'm dealing....my perspective. when i'm feeling depressed, it feels like i'm the only person in the world going through it and that i have no where to turn, no one who understands. but as i've always come to realize, my Lord God is there. all i have to do is call out to Jesus and He'll be there to give me what i need to make it through.

{via}

today's devotional: move over mean girl. { from Proverbs 31 Ministries}

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me'"- Matthew 16:24 {NIV}

According to our key verse today, Jesus says we must do three things. But these aren't three easy steps. They are three shifts of the heart: we have to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. 

...excerpt from Proverbs 31 Ministries website.

+++

this is EASILY the hardest thing for me to do. 

deny myself?

DON'T say the first thing that comes to my mind? 

take up my cross?

take responsibility for what *I* may have done to contribute to the situation?

and follow Him?

let the Holy Spirit wash over me and direct my next move?

..gosh. that's hard.

because when my kids are screaming over what i know is something trivial {but to them it's the world},

when charlie is mean and hurtful and says something that cuts deep,

when  i don't get my desired response for doing something right,

when i'm tired or cranky or it's that time of the month,

....what ever the circumstance...

i don't want to.

i want to be mean too. 

that hurt i'm feeling? i want everyone else to feel that way too.

if i'm miserable, join me. be my company.

but that's not what we're called to do. 

we're called to be more like Him.

(but can you just imagine, Jesus flipping out on everyone? for a split second, that'd be funny.)

lol

back to the point.

(ahem)

kiranda...don't be a douche. 

get over yourself.  look in a mirror. 

and let the Holy Spirit dictate your actions.

let people see Christ through how you live.

okay. i think i can do that.

i can pray.

{via}

i belong to the most amazing church. Lake City Community Church here in Lakewood, WA. it's pretty much the most amazing place ever. never in my LIFE have i felt like i completely and totally belong from the very first day i walked in. that's exactly how it's been too. from the very first day charlie and i walked in, all 3wks and 3days pregnant with austin....they've welcomed us with open and loving arms. they care and they're genuine. and i don't ever want to leave them!

tonight was another rehearsal with the worship choir. it's something i look forward to every week. it's like sundays just aren't enough. i can get a little more nudge from the Holy Spirit mid-week and i need that. sometimes, i'll admit i can get carried away and focus on the music aspect. as a vocalist, i'm always aware of the sounds that come out of my mouth, but i tend to forget about the meaning behind the words...especially in a rehearsal environment.

but pastor mark always brings us back to reality and the reason we are there. we were created to worship God. i was given this specific talent to bring Him glory and praise and i fully intend to use it for that purpose.

tonight we sang a song about prayer. the words say this:

i can pray. though the storm around me rages, i can trust the Rock of Ages when i pray.

and the peace i can't explain when i call upon His name, i know i'm not the same when i pray.

what an amazing and mighty revelation! last week i went to rehearsal feeling heavy and burdened with everything life was throwing at me. i had my birthday/recital, family coming into town, a singing competition, school, kids, husband, house, etc.....and it was all resting on my shoulders. on the outside, i was completely calm and content. but on the inside- i was crying and screaming for help. i was so unsure of everything. that night i asked for prayer for everything....you name it, i needed it. and they prayed over me. words can't even begin to express the sense of peace that washed over me, just knowing that i didn't have to do it alone. that all i had to do was call out to Jesus and trust in Him to carry me through....

to some, these things might've seemed trivial and not worth worrying about. but to my family at LC3, it didn't matter. their sister in Christ was hurting and they sensed that. they prayed. and though things didn't turn out perfectly, i sailed through them effortlessly. 

tonight just reaffirmed for me: God didn't promise a trial-less life. He didn't promise that i wouldn't have any issues or problems or down-days. but He did promise a Saviour. i know that no matter what i'm going through, i can pray. i can call upon the Son and help will be there. right there. the song just made sense to me. i know that no- matter- what....no matter what happens...when i can't do anything else about my situation....i can pray.

You Never Let Go

Today I left worship choir rehearsal and this song was one on the cd of music the pastor had given us. I've sung it before with LC3 and every time it has the same impact on me. I can't drive listening to this song because I will totally crash. Within seconds of singing these lyrics, I'm so overwhelmed by the love my God has for me. I'm so overwhelmed by his constant "obsession" if you will.


I don't deserve this love, this devotion. I don't deserve one bit of it. Nothing I have ever done is worthy of that kind of love. But He has NEVER let me go. Even when I denied His pleas and His wants and wishes for my life, He has never let me go. He carried me through every single rough moment I've experienced. When I couldn't do it on my own, He wrapped His loving arms around me and shielded me. Even when I didn't call for His help, He was there.


My God is so amazing.


I don't know most of you readers personally at all. But you come here and you allow me to share things with you and let you into my life. How could I not share the most treasured thing of all? If you're reading my this post, I want you to know that He hasn't let go of you. He wants your love, He wants all of you. Right now- think of the one thing/person/place that you love with every fiber of your being. Multiply that times a million. Multiply THAT number times a million and add infinity on to that. THAT, friends, is how much God loves you. If you don't know, I hope that can begin to help you understand it.


Tonight while this song blared in my car, I pulled over and worshipped my Almighty Savior. I cried. I lifted my hands. I sang. I danced. I was completely and totally raw and open to God. I felt His presence in the car with me. I knew I wasn't alone. Just like all of those times I've felt alone...I wasn't.


i will fear no evil, for my God is with me. and if my God is with me, whom then shall i fear? oh no, you never let go! through the calm and through the storm...every high and every low...no you never let go of me...and i can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on, and there will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes - still i will praise you!!!

You Alone Can Rescue

We sang this song today at church. Can I just say?!: I love my church! I love my worship choir! I love praising the Lord!!


I love this song and felt moved to share it with my readers!! Enjoy loves.

♥

What Do I Know of Holy?

SUCH a beautiful song.

I'm Coming Back!

I found this story in my Attachment Parenting Christians group on Cafemom. I thought it was interesting, so I'm sharing. Enjoy.

Why Did JESUS Fold the Napkin? Do you know why?   Why did Jesus fold the linen burial cloth after His resurrection? I never noticed this. The Gospel of John (20:7) tells us that the napkin, which was placed over the face of Jesus, was not just thrown aside like the grave clothes. The Bible takes an entire verse to tell us that the napkin was neatly folded, and was placed at the head of that stony coffin. Early Sunday morning, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalenecame to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance. She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved.. She said, 'They have taken the Lord's body out of the tomb, and I don't know where they have put him!' Peter and the other disciple ran to the tomb to see. The other disciple out ran Peter and got there first. He stopped and looked in and saw the linen cloth lying there, but he didn't go in.. Then Simon Peter arrived and went inside. He also noticed the linen wrappings lying there, while the cloth that had covered Jesus' head was folded up and lying to the side.   Was that important? Absolutely!

Is it really significant? Yes!

In order to understand the significance of the folded napkin, you have to understand a little bit about Hebrew tradition of that day.

The folded napkin had to do with the Master and Servant, and every Jewish boy knew this tradition.

When the servant set the dinner table for the master, he made sure that it was exactly the way the master wanted it.

The table was furnished perfectly, and then the servant would wait, just out of sight, until the master had finished eating, and the servant would not dare touch that table, until the master was finished..

Now if the master were done eating, he would rise from the table, wipe his fingers, his mouth, and clean his beard, and would wad up that napkin and toss it onto the table.

The servant would then know to clear the table. For in those days, the wadded napkin meant,  "I'm finished.."

But if the master got up from the table, and folded his napkin, and laid it beside his plate, the servant would not dare touch the table, because..........

The folded napkin meant,

"I'm coming back!"

Austin's Dedication Video!

Last week, Charlie and I dedicated Austin to the Lord. I've been meaning to upload this video but I kept forgetting. Anyway, I tried to embed it to this post but I can't figure it out!

Check it out here...

Psalms 37: 23-24
"...The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand..."

Our wish is that Austin grows up knowing, loving and trusting in the Lord. That He'll work through us for His will to pass in raising him. It felt so good turning him over to the Lord last week! I can't wait to watch him grow...