mommyhood hurts.

"God knows that a mother needs fortitude and courage and tolerance and flexibility and patience and firmness and nearly every other brave aspect of the human soul..." Phyllis McGinley

today was the longest, scariest day of my life.

my sweet sweet babe...all of seven weeks... went in for surgery.

we were hopeful that the doctors would look at her insides

and determine that all the tests were wrong.

that her liver and other affected organs had been healed.

but it hadn't.

i asked my Heavenly Father to let His will be done.

take it out of my hands.

allow the doctors to work swiftly, carefully, and precisely

to diagnose and treat whatever was ailing her.

it took six hours for a team of surgeons open her up

and cut out organs and reattach others in different places.

then they called to tell me she was done and did well.

eleven hours after kissing her forehead "see you later bellabean"

i finally got to see her again. 

mommyhood is deciding to go forever with your heart walking outside your body.

and it hurts so so much.