daughter to mother

 this picture...can accurately describe the relationship between my mom and i. 

we took this on her birthday. literally 30 seconds after midnight, i ran up and smashed some whipped cream in her face. lol. i usually call people at midnight and sing obnoxiously, but since she was here...i had to do it a little different.

when i was a kid, my mom was my hero. she was also like a big sister because she acted like a big kid. we were forced to watch saturday morning cartoons {not that we minded}, we helped her cook dinner at night {even though it was mostly hamburger helper and tuna casserole...lol}, one birthday she decorated my room with pink toilet paper, we always went to the park and she loved wrestling with us and pinning us down to tickle us until we peed our pants. 

then i became a teenager. and although my mom was still the same cool lady she was before, it started bugging me. when i wanted to watch sweet valley high or boy meets world, she still wanted to watch those cartoons. i was very much over hamburger helper and wished she would cook something else. she always woke me up really early on my birthday and made me breakfast, even though i hated breakfast and really just wanted coffee. and i was far too cool to be seen ANYWHERE with my mom. and if she tickled me, i didn't like to piss my pants.

then i hit my twenties. and she was even MORE annoying. why was she always so loud? why did she talk so much and to EVERYONE? why doesn't she treat me like an adult. i mean, there were times we could connect, but then she'd give me unsolicited advice or she'd react differently than i'd want her to and then we'd start fighting. she kept saying we were so much alike and i was like, "oh no! i'm NOTHING like you. i'm not a lunatic." 

and now i'm a mommy. and i have a daughter. 
holy crap. it's weird how having bella snapped things into sharper focus.
she's a baby right now and i snuggle the crap out of her, even when she doesn't like me to. i give her kisses and we snuggle on the couch to watch cartoons with her brother. i dance and sing and make funny faces. sometimes she laughs. other times, nahsomuch.

i'd be kidding myself if i didn't think her and i will have some years where she hates me and i'm desperately trying to get her to like me. in fact, just knowing that is likely to happen scares the bajeezus out of me. i know i'll never be as cool as dad is to austin and that's fine. but i so very much want bella to think i'm the coolest, hippest thing since acid washed jeans {those are in again, right?}  

for the most part, i felt like i could be honest with my mom. 
but there was always a level of secrecy with big things because i didn't want her to be upset or disappointed in me. 
like the first time i really kissed a boy, or when i lost my virginity, 
or when i fell in love for the first time, or just how serious that eating disorder was.
i want bella to know that i've been there and i understand and she can TOTALLY come to me for AN-Y-THING and there won't be any judgement. and more importantly, if she asks me not to tell her dad...i promise i won't. i understand how much that means sometimes. 

i want bella and i to skip those years of turmoil and jump right into where my mom and i are now. she's one of my best friends. true, i don't tell her EVERYTHING...some details are better reserved for the besties. but she DOES know a lot of personal stuff. like that time charlie ran by and somehow i ended up pregnant, or how PPD has somehow made its way into my life and i can't shake it everyday, or how i'm terrified to leave washington and start a new life in texas, or how much it hurts to not have grandma around. 

so...can we just bypass all the bad stuff bellalina and get right down to being best friends?


  1. Awe, this was a great post! I feel the same way about my mom. She gets on my nerves sometimes, but I love her to death...and honestly, if she stopped getting on my nerves with her talking and mothering, I'd miss it and be upset, ha ha. Never thought about it like that until reading this post. Lovely....


  2. I almost got too excited! We're not in SA, we just moved to Fort Worth, but I'm from Kansas City. No blogger/mommy meetups for us. :-( Thanks for following, yay!!!

  3. Such a sweet post. Isn't how that is with all mothers and daughters?! It's something about when you're a teenager that the thought of hanging with your mother is just so uncool. Then you grow and have children of your own that you finally start to cherish the moments spent together. It's a blessing that God snaps ya back to reality when you're an adult haha bc I know the times spent with my mother now I love them. Ok, I'd be lying if I said she doesn't annoy me still just a tad ;)

    Anyways, I just wrote a novel. By the way, you ladies are looking lovely! :) Omgosh can Bella stop growing so fast please?!

  4. One of my biggest mistakes has been assuming that I am destined to repeat my relationship with my mother with my kid. Just because she is a good person who is probably trying her best and I am a good person that will probably try my best, DOES NOT mean I will repeat her mistakes or relationship with my daughter, necessarily. If you really want to be her best friend tell her and show her and I'll be amazed if she doesn't. You already have learned a lot form the last generation and are doing amazing things for your relationship with your kids, don't forget that.

  5. awww this is such a touching post : ) I love reading about your mommy adventures. You're still such a great writer.

    I hope you've been well...
    Want to let you know that Beauty and a Budget has moved to imgalaxia.blogspot.com
    I loved getting to know you and hope you'll visit and follow my new blog.



Tell me how you REALLY feel. C'mon..just TELLLLLL me. I love your comments.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...