i don't know whether to attribute it to the weather, staying up late last night, disagreeing with the mister left and right or not being able to eat everything in sight...but i'm just not feeling right today. i still haven't come to terms that ppd is an illness and not just a "feeling". while i understand it perfectly well, i'm not sure i'll ever go DO anything about it.
i just know that i am tired. beyond tired. it's like exhaustion-down-to-the-bone tired. and i can't shake it.
at this very moment, i feel like i'm shrinking and everything is closing in around me. and i don't know what to do to keep from being crushed underneath it all. i don't want to cry, but i don't want to laugh either. smiling takes a ton of effort too.
i feel like i'll feel a million times better if the house would magically clean itself, or if dinner would be made when i walk in the kitchen. and i know a huge weight would be lifted if last weeks session would just edit itself. i can mentally see the huge list of everything i need to get done but i don't know where i'll find the energy to just do it. maybe i'll just keep napping.
and i know this post makes zero sense. so i'm done writing for now.