"i drank too much last night."
this is a recurring thought lately. but i have to.
at least that's what i keep telling myself.

dealing with this shit is hard. and i'm so effing over it.

i know it's saturday and it's charlie's night to go out, but i really don't want to be here alone.
i'm scared.
it's two versus one...
and they always win.



be intentional.
stop. breathe. focus.

who cares if the house is a mess.
who cares if it's spotless.
what really matters here? 

i lie down on the freshly picked up living room floor with my littles and i play.
we pull down all the books from the bookshelf and read them. we play with the mini computer. we run around in circles and shake our booties to the music. 
we attempt to make dinner and end up ordering pizza. then throw a blanket on the living room floor and eat cheese pizza, bacon cheese sticks and hot wings....and pepsi.

we're wreckless. we're loose. we're nuts.
we play games where we chase each other with the blanket. we play the rollercoaster game with mommy's legs. we skype with grandma kia- where austin decided that name, no one knows. 

and when i'm just tired enough to want to check out.....

they grab books and toys and sit quietly in the corner. without prompting. 

reading and playing with toys.
playing nicely.
they cuddle on the couch and give each other kisses.

they say their prayers and go to bed willingly. they're asleep in minutes.

and it's not always two versus one. sometimes it's 1+1+1 and we're the three musketeers. and it's nights like tonight that keep my faith alive. it restores my faith and belief in myself. it tells me that i am good enough, i'm a great mommy. and they're great littles. and we can do this.

i'm so SO grateful.


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