Last night was another rough night.
For some reason, lately I've been incredibly sensitive to the littlest things. I mean, I'm a sensitive person when it comes to the man I love. If he says something or does something, I get my feel-bads all mixed up and jumbled and I get a bit pouty. Usually, it's a misunderstanding and it's all worked out in a short amount of time. But lately....I mean the LITTLEST things set me off. Last night was one of those nights.
After ignoring his phone calls, I figured I'd answer after he sent me a few angry text messages. We talked, I felt like a dirtbag once again and then I start freaking crying! SERIOUSLY KIRANDA...
It's just so hard with him not being here. I want to see his face, I want to hold his hand, cuddle with him... I'm not the long distance type. I did it once before when I was 15, but that was before I knew anything about anything. The hardest part is to not have his shoulder or his arms around me with the way things are going in my life. I feel stranded and left alone. He keeps reassuring me that I'm never going to be alone again and that he's here for me. I know all of it...it's just hard.
Blegh. Of course, then he asks where CharlieBear is. Duh! I'm not holding him. Isn't that his purpose? I have to admit, it feels silly to be clinging to a bear but I can't even explain how much it helps on nights like I had last night.
13 days...I'm just clinging to the countdown.