I'm not sure why I'm even posting here. I think I need to vent and I want to hear if I'm overreacting, blegh. Whatever. In any case...
Let me start out by saying I love my husband. I'm not going anywhere and neither is he. We said those vows and we meant it, but that doesn't mean two different people are always going to get along, ykwim? My biggest shortcoming is that I tend to get stressed out easily and I have little patience when stressed. His biggest shortcoming is his anger issues. Both of us recognize these flaws and have no problem pointing them out to each other and recognizing them in ourselves when they are happening.
The last few nights, we've gotten into little tiffs. Yesterday, we were out running around doing shopping for our new apartment and forgot to get a money order for the rest of our deposit. [Back story there: he banks in TX, left his checks there so he can only withdraw a certain amount of money per day. I bank here, but don't get paid until Thurs so I helped as much as I could but couldn't cover all of it.] The office closed at 6 and none of the banks on post would do money orders. We're new to this area so we couldn't find a place to do one for us. I suggested a place that might do one and we go and they don't. He gets back in the car and starts yelling at me, "Why would you think they did money orders? I shouldn't have listened to you. ETC." Later on, I wasn't putting the groceries up fast enough for him so he took over and the whole time was muttering mean things under his breath. Then he was hungry and I wasn't done unpacking and washing the new dishes we'd bought so he starts making himself a hot dog and then complains that I picked the wrong ketchup. Basically making me feel stupid. At that point, I'd had enough of his b*tching and complaining so I stormed off and locked myself in the bathroom for a bubble bath and a romance novel. After realizing I wasn't coming out, he tried to coax me to unlock the door and talk it out with him. He apologized, but I wasn't ready to talk so we didn't. While in bed later on, we did hash it out...I ended up letting it go and moving on.
Today..all was well until we're sitting on the couch around midnight watching YouTube and looking at my myspace photos of my life before him. I was telling him stories and stuff and we were looking at my 21st bday party. There was a picture of a guy and I was gonna tell him a funny story about why he was there and he goes, "You slept with him too?!" I said yes, because it's true, and he storms off to the kitchen ranting about how he doesn't want to hear about all the guys I've slept with.
A little backstory: I like sex. I like LOTS of sex. It just so happens that I have a guy mentality when it comes to sex. I've had relationships, short and long term. I've had one-night stands. I've gone after a guy purely for sexual reasons. I've always been safe. Never been pregnant or had an STD. I'm responsible. Unlike a lot of people, I can separate sex from my emotions. And call me a slut if you want, but I can't actually give you the number of guys I've slept with because I don't know the exact number. Charlie knows about my past and my ballpark figure. It was a rough convo to have but we had it on our second day of being a couple. He told me how he felt. I was unapologetic about my past because it's made me the person I am today. He said he didn't like it, but he understands it's in the past.
Well tonight, I go to bed without him because he was just pissing me off with the way he was acting. He comes in the room and after awhile wants to talk to me and avoid going to bed angry. I'm usually all for it, but all the fighting has been wearing on me. Not to mention, he has these snide comments he makes every so often about my past sex life. He's no saint, but he's slept with only a few people and did a lot of hooking up. He says things that make me feel like he thinks he's superior and more "holy" because he hasn't given it up to a lot of people. Tonight was no different. He was trying to apologize, but he kept saying that he didn't have a lot of sex because he had morals and it's reckless and irresponsible and unsafe.
The last time I checked, I have morals. Just because mine didn't match yours doesn't mean I'm a horrible person. I slept around because I had issues and I recognized them and addressed them. i also wasn't being irresponsible. I got checked every six months like clockwork and ALWAYS used protection. I just enjoyed my sexual side. In any case, I can only be called a slut so many times before I get pissed. After going back and forth, I told him I didn't want to talk anymore [of course, with some colorful language thrown in...lol] and he got up and left. He grabbed some clothes and left the apartment. Got in his car and drove off. He was gone for like 45 minutes. I locked the door so he couldn't get in and he called me begging to come in. I told him he could go to wherever he had come from. I didn't want him to wake the neighbors so I let him in eventually and told him to sleep on the couch.
I'm just so mad. If he thought I was a slut, why did he marry me, yk? I'm also really hurt that he'd walk out on me like that. True, I didn't want to talk to him, but I didn't want him to leave. Also, I'm pretty sure he went off to call someone or meet up with someone. Call me suspicious, but he recently admitted to meeting up with one of his exes a few days before I went down to TX because he had wanted to cheat. He only grabbed her boob, but he was gonna make a move because it was his last time in San Antonio. *ARGH!* I'm having a hard time trusting him and he knows this. He also knows a few females up here that live on base [45 minutes gone..5 minute drive to base...]
Idk..I'm just mad. I can't even sleep anymore.