When I was pregnant, my aunts and mom had told me about showering with your baby. It saves time. It's easier. You just have to get the hang of it. I was like, "SCORE! All I have to do is get the hang of it!" Riiiiiight. Well, the fact that I'm typing here and it doesn't mention anything about an emergency room visit bodes well. But let me tell you- this. is. no. easy. feat. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, kids.
part of me wishes I could've taken pictures or video, but there's that whole naked mama, naked baby thing that's just not cool to share with anyone other than my husband...
I grabbed a towel and removed all of my clothing and his diaper before stepping into the shower. Success! I didn't fall. Oh, but I was close friends. The water was the perfect temperature. Austin looked at the water like, "WTHeck Ma?"so I adjusted the shower head so it didn't splash water droplets in his face. I soaped up his spongey thingy [we got it from the hospital when he was born and I just can't stop using it! it's awesome!] and got to work.
Um. Why didn't anyone tell me that a soapy baby is the slipperiest thing ever invented?! [is that even a word] Oh, RIGHT. Because this is one of those things that "no one bothers to tell you!"
Thankfully, I didn't drop my little munchkin. I couldn't live with myself if his beautiful head hit the tub below. Even though I'm barely 5'2"..that's a long fall for a noggin. I rinsed off the front of him so he wouldn't slip through my fingers. That's when the water hit him in the face.
He opened his eyes and gave me the "WTFack are you thinking idiot?" face.
I laughed. He laughed. Then I washed his backside and rinsed that off without incident. Now it was time for me to wash and rinse. I lathered up my loofah..one handedly...cause I'm a rockstar like that...and did my job. Well..oops. Forgot about the babe and he laid his head on my soapy shoulder! Immediately, I panicked because MY BODYWASH ISN'T TEAR FREE. Oh, and IT'S AN EXFOLIATING WASH!
In panic mode...I put him directly under the streaming water.
He opened his eyes and gave me the "WTFack are you thinking idiot?" face. again.
I laughed. He laughed. Again.
Before anything else could go wrong [because I seriously thought I was pushing it the envelope here and was thisclose to dropping my sweet babe], I stepped [carefully] out of the shower and went into my bedroom to lotion and diaper the babe.
He opened his eyes and gave me the "WTFack are you thinking idiot?" face. yet-again.
I laughed. And promised to never do that again. He laughed. Then kicked me in the boob.