8.03.2010

30 Days Of Truth: {DAY EIGHT}



30 Days Of Truth
{Day Eight}

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Again, this one is pretty easy. It took me forever to realize it and I'm still a little scarred from it, but yea...
It's my ex boyfriend- Mr. Reshard.

I moved away from home and my boyfriend, Curtis, when I was 17. Curt and I had broken it off because we didn't think we could handle a long distance relationship. I was sad, for sure, but I was also excited because I was in a new city and could experience being single...really single, for the first time. As horrible as it sounds, I'd lost my virginity to Curtis so I hadn't experienced anyone else and was kind of excited about that prospect. lol

Bssh. Little did I know how lonely I would be. I quickly made some girlfriends and the only guys I really met were my roommates. I didn't go out to clubs because I was underage and once I turned 18 the only places to go were pretty loser-ish. I remember being at school and looking around at the prospects there. Most of the guys were the artsy type- meaning not MY type. I liked guys who looked like football players. So of course there'd be none of those guys here at my private arts school. On like day two or three, I noticed the only other black guy in the school who wasn't A)gay or B) really ugly. We exchanged smiles. I flirted. He flirted. We went out to lunch one day. He made me pay...I should've known then...


As with all relationships, it started out great. Two months in, I found out he'd been dating me and his ex-girlfriend at the same time. I should've known then...I gave him another chance. 
A few months after that, I found half naked pictures of some girl in his email. I should've known then...
I was never a top priority for him. I should've known then... 
When we would argue, he'd get in my face, throw things, and push me around. I should've known then...
He was an only child who never really learned to share. I should've known then...
He dumped me, but not before calling me crazy and embarrassing me in front of the entire music department. I should've known then...
He told me that the extra weight I'd put on made him not want to have sex with me. [Nevermind that he'd put on way more weight than I had]. I should've known then...


We dated a total of 3 years and broke up roughly 2 times in that time period. He broke me down so low, I didn't think I could go on  without him. I actually suffered a bout of depression after he dumped me the first time. I was so in "love" with him. Our family's got along and we'd already planned on getting married [our wedding would've been this october 2nd]. It was the first time I could see my future  right there. I just had to sit down, shut up, and take whatever abuse he dished out. When we weren't together, he made it clear that HE didn't want me, but he didn't want anyone ELSE to want me. 


We worked together on music. He was my producer and while we were together, it was a beautiful business partnership. We'd always promised that music was music, business was business, and our relationship [no matter what] would never come between that. But surprise, surprise- when we stopped dating, he up and disappeared. WITH. MY. MUSIC. I'm not going to lie. It hurts. It sucks every time I think about it. I've tried to contact him and have even spoken to him only to have him tell me NO he won't give it back and NO he can't help me with it. I thought we were friends. I thought we were business partners. I thought we could make it work. And he's acting like a spoiled brat. Because, "how DARE someone else want Kiranda when I don't."


He made my life a living hell the entire time he was in it. And when I think about the music career I could be having, if he hadn't scarred me from working with other people, I get a little sick. While there was some good in dating him [learning more about my music, tapping into my creativity, and learning what love was NOT], I hate that I wasted so much time on him.


And that was the biggest mistake of my life.


2 comments:

  1. OH lessons learned sometimes come with way more lesson then we want huh..but he also taught you what real love wasn't huh

    ReplyDelete
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