I just got off the phone with my mom and dad. They're over in DC right now with my sister. I wish Austin and I had been able to go, but it really was for the better that we stayed here. So here's the latest: my sister immediately met this guy named D and he is utterly smitten by her. Of course there are drawbacks [he's a freshman, 18, a virgin, and they literally met before the start of classes]. My sister will be 21 in a few weeks, she's a sophomore/junior transfer, definitely not a virgin and is interested in exploring her options and focusing on school rather than getting a boyfriend off the bat. The most interesting twist: he's been there for her when she's needed it the most. She told me the cutest story of him bringing her chinese and waiting until 2am for her while she found her way home and then staying up with her until 4 and making sure that she took the food despite not being hungry because he knew she'd need food in the morning. I'm missing details, but the guy is totally sweet. But she's fighting it.
Well my mom and aunt are apparently all up in arms over the fact that some dude is trying to talk to my sister. Like he's some crazy axe murderer or something. And while that's a possibility, my dad did a background check on him and found out that he's from the Virgin Islands, had a 4.0 GPA and was valedictorian for his high school, and is at Howard University now with plans to attend Yale post graduation and become an attorney. Um...WOW. Does he have a brother. [just kidding hubs. I like my men like soldiers..lol] They think he's obsessive. I think he's amazing.
Well it got me thinking. They're problem is that they don't want her to get sidetracked or offtrack with her goals. She's famous for doing that [In high school, partying became more important than her lawyer career aspirations]. And while I can see that being a legit concern, they actually added this: Don't leave school with a husband and a bunch of babies.
Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeech Halt!
Uhm. Is that what *I* did? Did I get sidetracked? Did I lose focus of my goal? Is that what you think of me? Because I followed my heart and decided that while yes, I wanted to be a musician/elementary school teacher, love sometimes doesn't wait....then I've obviously lost focus of my goals? I don't know if I agree with that. Yes, I took two years off from school. But need I remind you, my oh-so-awesome bio-father [note the sarcasm] decided he'd rather NOT pay tuition and it was too late for me to do anything about it. Hence the FIRST leave of absence. The Second? Well, I was pregnant, still considered single because I did the FAFSA before I married Charlie, and we couldn't swing $500 a month to pay tuition. And now, here I am. I did my paperwork on the 1st of January, I've been completely and totally proactive with school. I'm enrolled and ready to finish my degree. WHY? Because I have a family! You know, that family that you think "SIDETRACKED" me? Yea..inSTEAD..I'm MOTIVATED. I WANT to finish. I WANT to be a good example. I WANT to do more than just be a super awesome barista because I WANT more for them.
*breathes*
I'm just saying. Falling in love and deciding that it's more important than a career that will always be there doesn't mean you've lost focus. You can't fight what you feel. And I'll be damned if I ever let what society views as successful cost me what I ultimately want: a happy, healthy family all because two people fell in love and ran with it.
Finally, someone who is speaking my language!!! Can I just give you a huge hug for writing this post. I totally understand where you are coming from. This is me. I met and fell in love with the most wonderful man my freshman year.
ReplyDeleteAnd after six months of dating we decided to take the next step and move in together. My mother was furious and actually didn't talk to me for months and the fact that he had a child already didn't make her warm up to him at all. Instead, I think that over the years it's made her resent him more. However, I've come to grips with the fact that this is my life and I have to live it the best way I think and believe works for me.
Here we are almost six years later and we've been blessed with our beautiful Moo, overcome a serious breakup and he's pushing me to follow my dream of pursuing journalism and fashion by helping me pay for my tuition and supporting my blog habit. I love him and so what if my family thinks that I got sidetracked by some man. He's the love of my life and wind beneath my wings.
You focus was not lost, it CHANGED. Hello! Why is going to school and having a career MORE important than raising the future leaders of our country? I tell you what, its NOT! School will always be there, your baby will not. He will grow up soon enough and then there will be plenty of time for all that. Now, about your sister's boyfriend being a virgin, there is nothing wrong with that. There is everything right with that. It means he is a caring individual who knows restraint. Sounds like he has character lacking in so many men these day. And the background check totally proved it! :) Now granted they are both a bit young for a serious relationship because they have many more years of personal development and change to go through. So there is that. But as for your family talking about her getting "off track", well... they should just be happy if she gets on a track that is healthy and makes her happy and fulfills her as a person!!
ReplyDeleteYea...I was a bit taken aback by the statements they were making and I had to try hard not to be offended. But I actually was. And while I agree to some extent with what they're saying, I think if my sister decided today that she'd rather leave school, marry this guy, and have every single one of his babies...then more power to her! I believe in your own version of happiness...not what anyone else considers good for you.
ReplyDelete