I must warn you...this is NOT pretty. It's embarrassing. It's horrifying. You will cringe. You will shake your head in disbelief. You may even run screaming from your computer, trying to rid your brain of the picture it just conjured up.
For all of that, I apologize.
Okay, so I consider myself somewhat of an "adventurer" in bed. I like to try new things. It's fun. Keep in mind, this was ALL before I met my husband. Anyway. I was dating this guy. I want to call him C, but that's my husband's same initial- awkward. We'll call him, Baby Blue, because he had the most amazing blue eyes I've ever seen. BB and I only dated for eight months and none of it was at all "exclusive". We had some good times.
One thing BB liked to try was *ahem* "back-door lovin". If you catch my drift..... Because I was oh-so-smitten, I obliged. I liked it too, even if it hurt at first. BB was also super OCD about cleanliness. Before our "sessions", we'd shower [together or separate]. And usually afterwards, we'd shower too. And once we started "exploring from the back", I made sure to rid my system of waste. Ya feel me?
Well, unexpectedly one night, BB came over after going out with the guys. I was always happy and ready to see him, but like I said- it was unexpected. Like all of our other get togethers, we ended up having sex. Cool. Well, you can guess where he wanted to go. I'm game. We're doing our thing. It's awesome. I'm having a great time. When all of a sudden, I smell something disgusting. It smells like a fart when you're naked and there's nothing filtering out the nastiness. It was gross. But I was in the middle of my groove...I'm not stopping "just because he farted". We switched positions. Which one, you asked? I sat on his lap! lol. It's dark in the room, but the hallway lights are filtering in and I had white sheets.
Mid-groove, I look down at his hand. There's something dark on it.
The room still smells like air passing over a turd.
There's something on his hand.
Hand. Smells. Haaaaand. Oh. FUCK.
OH. MY. GAH. THERE'S. CRAP. ON. HIS. HAND.
I get up and turn on the light. Not only is there turd droppings on his hand, but it's on my sheets too. OMG. I wanted to die. Really. Because not only was I trying to convince this guy to "go steady", he was super germ-a-phobic. And I just shit on the dude during anal sex.
He, actually/surprisingly, took it really well. He laughed it off and we showered together. All while I died a little on the inside.
And that, friends, is my most embarrassing moment during sex. Eek.
Interested in linking up to Sexy Sunday? Go here you sexy fool!