UGH. Guys..I cried. I sobbed. I fed my sweet babe the bottle of *gulp* formula and he went right to sleep...while I cried.
I felt like such a failure. Like, if only I hadn't gotten pregnant so soon, I could've at least made it a year without incident. I know if I didn't have school and work and other commitments I could probably do it, but with my running around all over the place, running on little sleep, trying to keep up my milk supply...it's just not happening.
And you know what...things haven't been as bad as I thought they would.
I do feel like I have a little more energy. I love being able to relax instead of retreating to the dressing room off the lobby to pump. I like that he doesn't mind at all. I love that we still nurse when I'm at home. I love that I don't have to stress about making sure there's enough milk for the next day.
And shh...I like that he didn't fight one bit tonight going to bed.
Am I horrible?
Don't get me wrong! I am still 100% pro-breastfeeding and absolutely hate that I even had to do this. I'm hoping that I can make it to a year with Baby B. And let me remind you myself...
I EXCLUSIVELY breastfed Austin for 7.5 months.
I am still breastfeeding at 8.5 months. Supplementing will only be when we're separated.
My kid has a WICKED immune system and is thriving thriving THRIVING.
He doesn't even notice there's anything different and still prefers his mommy over the bottle.
I don't have to be perfect...just good enough.
I'm not a bad mom at all. I'm still feeding my kid. It may not be what I chose for him, but God has had a way of showing me that HE runs things from the beginning of my journey as a mom. [ie: planning my birth when it can't be planned, getting pregnant despite thinking that i couldn't, breastfeeding, etc.] So I'm bowing out and leaving it in His hands.