why I love attachment parenting so much.

Before I even know APing even existed, I knew I wanted to do it when I had kids. See, it's been pointed out to me [several times, actually] that I have issues. And that's all fine and dandy .I recognize all of this and have struggled with "do I actually go see someone or should I stick with what's been working so far?"...I don't know. I guess you readers can be the judge of that.

I'm not here to tell you that CingIO and Ferberizing and all other variations of it are going to ruin your child. I'm not here to tell you to do things that will make you pull your hair out [like holding a screaming/thrashing child to the point that YOU are screaming/thrashing along with him]. I'm not here to tell you how to do a darn thing. But I will tell you this: As a person who's entire family believes that children AREN'T human beings and therefore, don't require much care and compassion or sensitivity, it can have dramatic effects on their lives.

I don't even think they realize that they do it. But in my experience, I felt like a second class citizen in my own home from the time I could formulate an opinion until I literally ran for the hills and disappeared into Seattle. And even today, I feel like they just don't see me as a person. Emotions are not okay in my family. Unless the occasion calls for it. IE: Funerals, weddings, graduations, etc. Showing weakness is another one of those things. Nope. You have to be strong. In my Psychology of the Artistic Self class, we're talking about the effects of your life on your art. One thing we was discussing today was how artists tend to be more sensitive than most people. This isn't everyone, but a good portion of the majority. Emotions run deep with artists. If you don't believe me, just look around. Since I'm one of the few true artists within my immediate family [this includes grandparents and aunts and uncles because I was surrounded by them], I find that I am a pretty emotional and sensitive person. When I feel an emotion it tends to consume me and I won't let go of it until I'm done experiencing it. And I tend to feel an emotion rather easily.

Because of this, I am labeled as a drama- queen. Whatever. That's fine. But that doesn't mean that my emotions are any less real because you don't understand why I'm feeling that way.

Another thing I've noticed is that my family is, honestly, full of mindless drones. If the majority feel that something should be a certain way, they all do it that way. Really..it's kinda scary. I'm the one who always asks "WHY?" And because I ask questions, formulate educated/and sometimes uneducated opinions that are more than likely on the other end of  the spectrum from them....I'm wrong. Not only am I wrong...but I'm stupid, an idiot, I don't know anything, and "when you fail, I'm going to tell you I told you so". I've gotta say, doesn't that make you want to trust them with your deepest darkest secrets and fears?! *shakeshead*

I got into YET ANOTHER screaming match with my mother. Looking back, I'm not even sure what it was about, but we got on the subject of nurturing. Quite honestly, I don't feel as if I've ever been nurtured. When I skinned my knee, it was dusted off and I was waved away. When I got my heartbroken, I was told to suck it up and stop crying over boys. When I struggled with an eating disorder, I was told to go eat. Whenever I cry, I'm told that I'm too emotional and a drama-queen. You see what I mean? No nurturing that I can ever recall. I wish I could get my point across when I say this: I am so desperate for a nurturing person in my life. I would kill for someone to just care, to just listen, and to not judge me or call me names or put me down. When I make a mistake, hurt myself, or fall flat on my face, I would love it if I was scooped up and had my hair smoothed back while they hugged me and told me it was going to be okay.

No matter what. No matter how they felt about me or the situation. No matter how much they have going on in their lives. They'd drop everything in that instant and be there for me. I crave that more than you know.

Instead of repeating this sad cycle with my own child, I'm changing it NOW. I won't smother him. I won't force him to be attached to me. But when he is crying or upset, I'll be there. No matter how I might feel, no matter how tired I am, no matter how angry I am that he is screaming and crying and won't lay down or won't eat or won't whatever...I will be there.

I'm not going to lie, I cringe a little every time I hear about someone letting their child CIO. Let me say: I am not judging you nor do I think you're a horrible person who is setting your child up for issues down the road. There are plenty of well adjusted people who don't have any issues from what their parents did when they were babies. I'm just telling you my story. I'm telling you why I can't just leave him crying. Even if I have to sit there and numb all of my senses and just rock and rock and shh and soothe him the only way I know how...I just can't. I never want him to feel as if I wasn't there for him.

Ugh. IDK why I even posted this. Sorry...


  1. I can SOOO relate to this, and it is awesome! You are awesome! Because it took me years of therapy to figure out what you figured out on your own, you are very perceptive and this post has influenced me, thank you! You are very awesome, because you are breaking the cycle of emotional abuse in your family! And all the effort and L-O-V-E you put out into the world and your family, you will one day, somehow, get right back, I promise. Especially your from your babies!
    I just try to remember that my family was also raised without love, and they are probably a big improvement from what they had! I look forward to being a big improvement on THAT!
    For me it would be one sign of caring if my mom argued with me, because i think she just can't handle her painful feelings so usually she's like 'i dont' care' and shuts me out, so maybe she wants to understand you but really doesn't know how!

  2. Reading this part made me almost cry

    "I am so desperate for a nurturing person in my life. I would kill for someone to just care, to just listen, and to not judge me or call me names or put me down. When I make a mistake, hurt myself, or fall flat on my face, I would love it if I was scooped up and had my hair smoothed back while they hugged me and told me it was going to be okay."

    Because you know what? You're not alone. We all want that. We all NEED that. Even if we got it as children, that need will never leave us. When we're 90 years old and dont know our names anymore, we will want this. Someone to love us, care for us, let us know that we MATTER.

    Dear Kiranda - Your Heavenly Father is all this and more. I know - I KNOW - this does not quell the need for a tangible human to kiss our owies and hold us close. But when no one is there. Not mother, not father, not husband, not friend...when no one is there, God is there.
    He can nurture your soul back to wholeness. He can mend your heart from bitterness and brokenness.
    He will love you more and more and more...with no end and no condition.

    "Only You have come to find me, Only You have come to pull me out. Only You have come to save me.
    Only You have come to wrap Your arms around me."

  3. I can relate.

    I grew up in a blended family where we kids were just roadblocks to my mom and husband having the freedom to not have to spend their money on us. I never felt nurtured.

    Loved, perhaps. Treasured, not so much.

    So, I am doing things differently with my kiddos. I may not be 100% AP, but I sure do let my kids know that they are loved, treasured and important.

  4. I DO judge moms who let their kids (at least babies) CIO. I won't pretend that I don't.

    You are obviously an amazing mom (with amazing hair) and I'm relating a lot to your bit on wanting your hair smoothed back. I'm dealing with a bit of that in my relationship lately, wondering if I expect too much. And I'm fairly well-adjusted from a family who provided me with enough hair soothing as a child.


Tell me how you REALLY feel. C'mon..just TELLLLLL me. I love your comments.


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