head. ache. like WHOA.

i have a headache. :(

it's a familiar head pounding that i get after dealing with my extended family. yes, i know. aNOTHER post about how my family pretty much sucks balls. yes. i apologize. you can leave if you want. i won't be bothered. i just need to write, and write NOW.

what is it this time?

the same argument over how "i don't know the military/life/etc.", "how i'm horrible for thinking of my little family first", and other such annoying topics.

i will be the first to admit that all i know about the army can fit on the head of a pin, with room to spare. but i can guarantee that it is more than what these lunatics assume they know. twenty years and different branches can change a LOT regarding policies. not only that, when i've asked ten people a question and get the exact same answer each time, i'm inclined to believe that's the answer. but oh no...if these crazies ask you what two plus two is and you say four, they'll automatically assume you're trying to pull a fast one on them. NEWSFLASH: not everyone is out to get you or fool you! you are not that special. i certainly don't think i'm that special. think i'm joking? I WISH I WERE.

some of them really have nerve. they told me, [because my answer to their questions wasn't what they wanted to hear], my husband must not be telling me the truth. um REALLY? well. not only do i KNOW he is, if he wasn't for some odd reason...i would find out with such a quickness, he wouldn't be able to formulate the coverup well enough. let's be honest here. i research EVERYTHING. it's really a bad habit. but it's useful. therefore, when someone tells me something. i formulate a plan and research every option. so i would know. okaaaaay. [excuse my thirteen year old flashback just now]

they are honestly, the only people in this world that i've ever met, who believe that you grow up, get married, and then proceed to treat your marriage and your children as second priority to the family you grew up in. did that make sense? case in point: due to unfortunate circumstances, charlie couldn't go to spokane for christmas. i decided to stay with him because it was our son's first christmas and i didn't want to separate my son and his father for the occasion. they HONEST-TO-GOODNESS thought this was horrible of me. never mind that i've spent 3 of 5 christmas holidays away from them so they should be used to this kind of thing. it's not as if they haven't had since 2005 to get used to the fact that "kiranda doesn't live here anymore". and i'm even MORE horrible when i won't cave to their wants and wishes above my husband/childs's. just because they all did it, i'm supposed to as well. maybe that's why all of the marriages in my family have suffered. hmm.

i shake my bewildered head.

is it any surprise that i stay away as much as possible? i've spent so many years bending over backwards and making myself depressed and sick trying to please them only to be told over and over again that i'm not good enough and always mess things up. because i finally got an inkling of a backbone and have decided that KIRANDA [after charlie and A & B] is my first priority and that doing what is best for KIRANDA [and charlie and A & B] is the only way to achieve true happiness...i am now a horrid person. "it's all about kiranda" is their new mantra. it's cute, really. because yes, it IS all about what's going on over here. THIS life that *I* have created is the most important thing to me right now and that will, hopefully, never change.

seriously. their madness is contagious. so i'm keeping a safe distance and arming myself with face masks and hand sanitizer for austin's birthday party. because it just might be a wild explosion of psychoticness when we go over there.

pray for me. :(