I know God will never put more on us than we can handle. I know this. But right now, I wish He didn't believe in us so much. I wish I was weak enough to not have obstacles like this.

I met with the doctor this morning and received not awesome, not horrible, but hopeful news. I managed to keep it together for the meeting and met Charlie for a few minutes. But within minutes, I couldn't take it and broke down. It was so hard telling Charlie everything that's going on and hearing the pain in his voice.

I can't stop crying. I can't stop worrying. I'd give anything to have my baby girl healthy and home. I regret ever wanting her born before her due date. Everyone says that babies come when they're ready and that preterm labor isn't necessarily my fault since they still don't know what causes it....but I feel like this is all my fault. I keep apologizing to Bella when I spend time with her. I wish I couldve kept her in longer.

I feel so defeated, so tired, so worn. I feel like I have nothing left to give. I'm operating on auto mode right now. If I'm not crying, I'm just here. And I live for the moments where I can be with Charlie and Austin or with Bella. I hate that I can't have all three of them together. I just hate all of this.

Ugh. this post probably makes zero sense...but I have to write otherwise I'll go crazy. Please pray, send positive vibes for my Bella. She's just a baby and doesn't deserve to have to deal with anything. Please pray that the doctors can find out exactly what is wrong and that the solution is swift, easy, painless and thorough.

I need my baby healthy. :/

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


  1. OH baby my heart goes out to you..She is beautiful and will be fine..Did it ever occur to you that the reason she came early was so they could find out about this issue now because the odds are that you would have been released quickly with her had she come on time. Then you would have been at home and she would not have been watched as closely. This may actually be a God thing in it's most misunderstood form

  2. I just started reading your blog a couple months ago. Sending prayers your way!
    Praying for the doctor's to have wisdom, you to have strength and little Bella to have good health.
    She is perfectly beautiful.

  3. She is so so beautiful! We're praying honey.
    It's okay to not be strong all the time. It's okay to ask God for help in these struggles. It's definitely okay to admit our weaknesses. You are doing the best you can, and that's all you can do.

  4. I know how you feel about not wanting to handle so much.

    I'm sure that your little girl will be fine! Not knowing is usually the worst part. Try to get some sleep!

    And preterm labor is NOT YOUR FAULT! If wanting your baby sooner made it happen, my baby would have been born at the beginning of my second tri.

  5. will do! she is beautiful and strong and so are you. i wish i could send you something lol

  6. things might seem bad but remember God is able, Keep praying and I will to


Tell me how you REALLY feel. C'mon..just TELLLLLL me. I love your comments.


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