but the fact is: i'm 32 weeks. [eight minutes from thirty-three]. and if this baby comes now...she'll be considered pre-term. and considering i know down to one of the two days she was conceived, i know she will be earlier than forty weeks. not only that, i'm still in school. it's really getting to crunch time because we're three weeks from the end. honestly. next week is the last week before finals. then it's finals week. then it's SOS [scores of sound], which is a week-long music fest we put on at school, and then i'm done. oh and by the way, i'm not doing my recital anymore. we're postponing it...you'll find out why further down.
so really, i can't afford to have this baby right now. i'm too close to the end game. i'm so close, i can taste graduation and freedom.
but honestly, all of these "what-if" situations are driving me nutso!
first off, i fell a couple weeks ago chasing buddy. upon visiting and chilling in L&D Triage, we discovered i'm dilated to 2, 50%effaced, and at minus 2 station. [yep..exACTly where i was when austin was induced...at 38w5d]. all of that cervical change without really doing anything. [sidenote: i think it was my sessions at the gym that brought that on rather than the fall because those contractions on the treadmill were killer].
now i know a woman can walk around for weeks at a 2 or even higher, but still. it's worrisome being that i was only 31 weeks.
yesterday, i dropped austin off at the sitter's and used the bathroom only to find my [sorry again..tmi] mucus plug in there. not the entire thing and it didn't have any blood in it, so i was only slightly worried. i called my doctor's office... [which can i say sucks because i can't even speak to my doctor. i'm only talking to people in charge of schedules and some random nurse who knows NOTHING about me other than my vitals from my file. smh] and they advised me to take it easy but not to come in because i wasn't having contractions. but if i started having them, leaking fluid, or having bad cramps to come in. so i went about my day. yes, i was having contractions but they weren't timable and i honestly didn't want to leave school to be told nothing was wrong. because, you know- i'm really close to graduating and all!
this morning, i tinkled a bit. like i really shouldn't even say i peed because there was nothing in the bowl. but when i wiped, there was a ton of yellowish mucus there. um, whoa?! i just wiped and kept going. when i got to school, the same thing. not any pee, but serious yellow mucus and my underwear were pretty damp considering i hadn't peed on myself or anything. thus starting the panicking over leaking amniotic fluid. i have no idea what it looks or smells like because my water broke right before austin was born. i was texting a friend and she suggested i call the doctor at least but really she wanted me to go in. again, i didn't want to leave school for no real good reason so i just rolled some tp and put in it my underwear and went about my day, hoping to not soak through it. well, i didn't. and i didn't really have many contractions either so i still haven't called.
i would like to go in just to see what's going on down there. obviously, i'm having contractions and losing mucus so my cervix is changing. and i'm having sharp stabbing pains down there every now and then so i know something is going on. and i'm having more than four to six contractions in two hours. not every two hours and i can even move and talk through them. some are more painful than others, but they're still contractions never the less. i don't think i'm dehydrated since i'm practically sustaining on water alone these days. i guess i'm just worried they'll tell me nothing has changed and i'll have wasted a lot of time.
don't get me wrong, i want this girl to cook at LEAST another month. but i don't want to be surprised if she comes early. i go to school over an hour away and honestly with traffic, it can take up to two hours to get to and from home. so i'm worried i'll be stranded out there and have to drive myself somewhere or that charlie won't be able to come meet me or pick me up in time. :/ i'm just nervous and really unsure of what to do. i want to stay home, but i don't want to fail, but i don't want to have a baby before 37wks.
*sigh* oh if only i could see the future...