The Quickest Birth EVAR: Part Two

i apologize for the massive delay in posting this story. two weeks at the hospital and then just being super drained because any sleep i get these days is filed away in the "napping while sitting straight up" category. not because of bellz...because i don't know how to go to bed anymore. lol

if you haven't read PART ONE, go ahead and click there first and see how i did most of the work with little effort.

so we're on to part two of the quickest birth ever. i've been giggling when i think about writing this out because only i could take a birth that last all of two hours and stretch it out over a few posts. talk about creativity. lol so grab something to eat, go take a bathroom break, and get settled in your comfy chair for the rest of this hilarious story.

Part Two: Laboring On | at home

so like i said before, it was all the bassinet. i just KNEW something was going to happen once i bought that little piece of baby stuff. and i think i set myself up by posting this on my facebook:

SEE. "we're all set for the little munchkin"

way to go, ma.

i posted that status at 6:43pm, sitting in the rocking chair and surveying the progress around the room. afterwards, i got up and picked up all of the trash and just did mindless straightening up and making of lists for other misc items we wanted to have in the room. and then i walked out and down the hall to get dinner.

i made it to the end of the hallway and felt a contraction. i'd been having contractions all day, but they were definite braxton hicks ones. we'd gone to motherhood maternity to get a dress for easter and to target for the bassinet. at target the contractions were getting stronger, but i could still breathe through them, even if i couldn't walk through them. but this contraction was different. it was painful in a different way. i stopped and dropped to the floor and "rode the wave" of pain. 

afterwards i got up, looked at the clock [it was 7:00pm] and went to the couch. i laid out blankets [because i was fearful of my bag of waters breaking on our new microfiber couch. lol] and grabbed pillows to help me get into a comfortable position where i could really relax and get into a good labor groove. i sent out text messages to brandi [who would be taking austin for the birth], my family, and my friend cassie [who is my natural labor guru]. the text message read: having contrax, can't breathe through them, timing them now. then i got to work.

psh. within TEN. MINUTES. i was moaning....LOUDLY. none of the positions helped me relax. instead of trying to "get out of the way" like all of my Bradley Method books suggested, i would get on my hands and knees and push my head deep into the cushions and scream. i pulled up the Stage 1 app on my phone and started timing them and immediately they were averaging 3 minutes apart and lasting for 60-90 seconds. charlie asked if i wanted to go to the hospital or call L&D but i declined, knowing that they'd ask me questions about the contractions and i needed to have something to tell them. i said we'd try in an hour.

 then...get this...i started telling my husband to straighten up the house. *facepalm* i guess nesting doesn't rest even in labor for me. lol i was having him fold up blankets and put shoes away and take the dog outside for a walk and all kinds of other random tasks. then i had him start a bag for austin since we didn't have one ready for him. by 7:30pm, the contractions were just crashing all over the place and i barely had time to catch my breath in between them. it seemed like the pain was just constant and never waned.

 i told charlie to crank up the hot water and run a bath for me so i could maybe get some relief. and oh friends, despite being cramped in the tub, the water was a good choice. i was kicking myself for not having rented a tub, but again- i figured we had a few weeks. i laid on my right side so i could hit the start/stop button on my phone without worrying about it falling in the tub. whenever a contraction started peaking, i would sink as low as i could in the water and try to relax, but i always ended up screaming my head off. charlie, austin and buddy were in there with me and each time i'd scream buddy would look positively scared and austin would look at me like i had three heads. and because charlie was running around while i barked orders and screamed through labor, austin was left to his own devices at times. and because he loves water and mommy was in the bathtub, he decided he wanted to splash and play in the water. charlie was stressed out, thinking i would be upset; but surprisingly austin being there and playing in the water didn't bother me at all. in fact, i was more annoyed that charlie kept trying to tell him to leave. at one point i barked out, "he's not bothering me. you're making it worse by telling him to stop. so just leave him alone". lol poor guy.

at this point, it's 8pm. i'd been timing the contractions for an hour so i told charlie to call L&D.  i was trying not to worry but i had started shaking while in the tub. and from my previous hospital stays, i knew that shaking meant definite dilation so i knew these contractions were working. he called and explained that i was 34 weeks along and had already been admitted for preterm labor and that i was having contractions that were on average 3 minutes apart lasting 60 to 90 seconds and they'd been that way for the last hour. they asked him a series of ridiculous questions [at least they seemed ridiculous] and then told him: "get her a bunch of water to drink, have her lie down and try to relax".

:dead:

obviously they weren't getting it. not only were the contractions indicative of labor, but the lady should've been listening to me through the phone. during that phone call [thanks to my handy contraction app] i had contractions that were ONE minute apart and lasting that long. and they were POW.ER.FUL, my friends. i was screaming my head off. no one in their right mind would think i was just having braxton hicks. 

so charlie hung up the phone and was like, "we should just go to the hospital". i was still feeling like i had some time left, and besides i needed to know that austin was taken care of. i told him to call or text brandi to tell her to come get austin. she said she'd be over in about thirty minutes because they were eating dinner. i was starting to feel like the bath wasn't helping as much as it had before..i think due to the fact that i was cramped trying to fit underneath the water. i was also getting more worried because i was shaking even more and i didn't want to have the baby in the tub. i tried to get up and OMG it was painful. trying to move through contractions sucks. i had charlie put some towels down on the bed just in case i hit the pushing stage before we could leave.

i'm sure it was only a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity getting from the bathtub to the bed. i was starting to feel a lot more pressure "down there" so i told charlie that he needed to tell brandi to get over NOW. i don't know if he did or not, but after like a minute i told him to run over to our neighbors house and see if she'd keep austin until brandi got there. at this point, i was shaking uncontrollably, contracting really hard and felt intense pressure so i was really scared i was going to have an accidental home birth. which, under normal circumstances would've been fine, but since she was early i was scared of her needing immediate attention. while charlie ran across the street, i called my best friend lauren and told her that i was in labor and she should start making her way out to our house. during that phone call i had a few contractions that took my breath away [but i was still able to scream..lol] and i heard brandi come in the door to get austin. 

once aus was taken care of, charlie was immediately ready to go to the hospital. i had him run and get my nightgown, but he brought back just the robe. he helped me put it on and i attempted to tie it but, again...contractions. i was in a whole world of pain...it was suck city, y'all. we started down the hall and i had to stop several times. i even lied down on the tile floor right in front of the door because it hurt so bad to stand, the pressure was that intense. i asked if we should just call the ambulance and he said no because it would take too long. we got outside [with my open robe...i hope none of my neighbors saw my naked pregnant bod] and charlie is letting me lean on him while we walk to the car. with about five feet to go, i almost collapsed on the ground and called it a day. thankfully my husband is strong. i kept telling him, "i can't do it. i can't move. i just want to lie down right here" and he was like, "no we have to go to the hospital. c'mon you can do it babe." 

we finally made it to the car...thankfully he laid down some towels on the front seat. i told him that i couldn't just go to the hospital in an open robe so he ran to the backseat and got my nightgown out of the bag and threw it at me. lol. i put it on slowly while he ran back around to the driver's side and started the car. had i not been in so much pain, i would've kissed him. lol

he obviously was worried because his wife was in a ton of pain and there was literally nothing he could do about it. and he already has a lead foot so he's frantically trying to get to the hospital before i have the baby, but i'm screaming for him to "drive gentle please" because the bumps on the road coupled with his slamming on the gas and the brake at every intersection is making it all worse.

even though we live less than two minutes from it, the drive to the hospital was VERY MUCH a scene straight out of a movie..lol

...to be continued.