Quickest Birth EVAR: parte tres.

have you read PART ONE? or how about PART TWO? ....well, click those links friends so you can be all caught up for the epicness that is PART THREE...aka the most intense twenty minutes of my life!

again, i apologize for the long delay between posts. i'd meant to post one per day to bring on some suspense, but life caught up with me and i totally forgot to keep posting. forgiveth me? i love you long time!

quick recap: i was in labor. they stopped labor. i was put on bedrest. i bought a bassinet. and all hell broke loose after a facebook status update. 

Part Three: The Hospital  |  practically sneezing out babies.

during that hellish ride I spoke of before, i was holding on for dear life and pleading with charlie to slow down. he kept saying he couldn't, but i was begging. flying around the corners with him trying to obey the stop signs by "lightly" tapping the brake [and by lightly i mean slamming on it for a second] during contractions was absolutely torture. i managed to tell him to go to the emergency room because i knew they'd have wheelchairs and they'd get me up to L&D fairly quickly. besides, i didn't want to chance that the front doors to the hospital would be closed. [and yea, they would've been.] as we pull up to the ER, they had some construction blocking the normal way in so i told charlie to just screw it and drive in the way that the ambulances go...but facing the opposite direction.

next thing i know, there are guys standing outside my door with a wheelchair and telling me to get out of the car. i'll never understand why people say the dumbest things to a laboring woman. i was CLEARLY in transition and could barely speak, let alone move. i was in the middle of back to back contractions and i squeaked out that i couldn't move. they told me to try so during the little fifteen second break i was getting, i rolled out of the car and into the wheelchair just in time for the contractions to start up again. at some point i hear one of the guys telling charlie that he needed to come in the other way next time...i'm pretty sure my eyes rolled at that point from the sheer ridiculousness of these people.

next thing i know, we're flying down the hall. they guy was walking at first and then hearing all of my moaning and groaning, he picked up speed. lol i actually don't even remember how we got to the third floor [obviously the elevator] but i was so "in the zone of transition" it didn't even register. as we're coming down the hall i was screaming, and the nurses and doctors later told me that they knew from the sounds coming down the hall that "this was it" for whomever it was. the guy wheeled me into triage and they start asking me questions.

"miss do you have your military id?"
"how far along are you?"
"what's your name?"
"is anyone with you?"
"have you had the flu shot?"

i'm like, "DUUUDES. i'm about to have this baby..can we ask questions later?" but i managed to answer some of the questions. thankfully charlie ran up with the birth bag a few seconds after so he was able to answer the questions. 

side note: they dismantled my chart from the last time i was there and somehow had the wrong due date. they had me due mid July...so they're sitting here trying to figure out if my baby is even going to be alive and i'm telling them over and over again that i'm due june 1st and such. i shake my head. 

they wheel me into triage room 3 [ i remember bc that's the same room i was in when i was in labor before] and they tell me i need to get on the bed. keep in mind that i'm 5'1, severely pregnant, having horrible contractions and the bed is LITERALLY up to my chest. i straight up told them i couldn't. the guy was like, "you need to". i said, "well i can't. so you have to lift me". so him and charlie hooked me under the arms and lifted me into the bed. while i was moving to the bed, some other nurse holds out one of the hospital gowns and tells me i need to change into it. i roll my eyes and say, in my most exasperated voice ever, "can i just please leave this one on? i don't care what happens to it." basically saying, "PRIORITIES PEOPLE, PRIORITIES!" whomever the idiot was left me alone at that point. 

i get into the bed and they tell me they need to check me to see how far along i was. they ask me if my bag of waters had broken and i shook my head no. keep in mind, i'm contracting like there's no tomorrow. they're trying to get between my legs but i'm all tensed up--- the total opposite of how i should be laboring, but the pain was so intense and all over the place that i couldn't even begin to relax. they instruct me to put my feet together and let my legs fall open but i'm like, "i can't move. it hurts too much". and of course, they're telling me i have to so i suck it up and let them check me. of COURSE i'm contracting while they're checking. there's nothing more painful than a hand up your hoohaw when you're having an intense contraction. they check and announce that i'm dilated to a 7, completely effaced and they can feel my bag of waters. 

i can remember feeling relief when they announced that. i was worried that the pain i'd been enduring for two hours wasn't doing anything. so to hear that i'd dilated 3cm in two hours made me happy. i was also happy because they started to take me even more seriously. these stats put me in active labor so they wheeled me over to labor room 2 and we had to deal with "you need to get into this bed" "well i can't move" once again. somehow i made it into the other bed. i asked for ice chips because my mouth and throat were completely dry from all the screaming i had been doing. i was looking over at charlie when i heard someone ask if i wanted an epidural. charlie spoke instantly saying that i didn't want one. and i looked up at him and was like, "babe, i don't think i can do it." he was like, "yes you can babe."

there were a ton of people in the room. i recognized the nurse that was there when austin was born and charlie. other than that, i didn't know anyone else. there were a lot of residents though. this one resident in particular was trying to start an IV. i was lying on my right side, facing charlie and holding on for dear life when he told me he needed to get an IV in my arm. i stuck out my right arm and said "do this one...it's not going to work, but here". so he started. anyone who knows me knows i'm not afraid of needles. i pretty much NEVER have any issues with needles especially with my super huge veins in my arm, but THIS guy was an idiot. with shaky hands, he stuck me once, i screamed. he stuck me twice, i screamed. he tried another part of my arm, i screamed. and just in case you forgot...contractions on top of contractions. then he tried again and i balled my fist up to punch him. i was two seconds away from punching this guy dead in the jaw when charlie put his arm in front of me so i couldn't connect with the guy. then he handed the needle to the nearest resident who shoved it in my left arm, right underneath the bone in my wrist. i hated her. i STILL have issues with that IV site. oh, and no ice chips at this point. they pretty much suck at listening to me.

a lot of things were happening at once and i just remember people telling me to relax and not fight the contractions. i remember at one point telling them that "i KNOW i need to relax but it hurts really effing bad and i can't help it".  finally after what seemed like forever, charlie had a cup of ice chips and was shoving them in my face. oh, i could've kissed his big ole' head for that wonderfulness. the next thing i remember was the stupid IV resident telling me she was going to check me again. this was at about 9:10pm. my feet were good and in the stirrups so i didn't have to do anything but let her so she started checking. man oh man was there a lot of blood on her gloves. she had to change them once and then she announced i was at 9cm, complete and at 0 station. so in about ten minutes i went from 7cm to 9cm. say WHAT?! she said something about a small anterior lip and she could feel the baby's head. then i felt something catch on the inside and then there was warm rushing of fluids coming out of me. i even tried flexing my PC muscles to stop it. she'd broken my water. in my mind i was upset because i didn't want it ruptured artificially, even though i knew i was having this baby in a matter of minutes. lol. 

they changed the bed dressings with me still on the bed and i looked up at charlie and kept saying that i was feeling a lot of pressure. the resident then told me it was time to push. they instruct me how to push during the next contraction and i said okay. the next one came and i started pushing. i was lying on my right side and someone was holding my left leg up in the air. i could feel her head and it felt stuck no matter how hard i was bearing down. i stopped pushing and told them that i couldn't push in this position and that i needed to be sitting up. they let me roll over to my back and told me to keep pushing. i pushed three times and still could feel her not moving so i stopped. more than one person was screaming at me that her heartrate was dropping and i needed to push to get her out. i told them over and over again that i could NOT push on my back. i tried pushing again and {TMI ALERT} felt a large turd come out of my butt. at that point, i stopped. i clammed up. nope. no more pushing until i was sitting up.

i think charlie realized no one was going to listen to me so he raised the bed on his own. thank the Lord for my husband. as soon as i sat up and pushed, she came flying out. oooooh it was weird. i could feel every inch of her coming out. austin's birth was natural too, but being on muscle relaxers i couldn't feel things quite as "clearly". they held her up in front of me and snipped her cord then whisked her over to the waiting crib in the corner. i looked over and saw about five people surrounding her and it dawned on me again that she was a preemie. i started praying under my breath and saying, "please cry bella. cry dammit." and the most beautiful, strong cry came out of her mouth. i felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders and then remembered that i had to get the placenta out. with austin i didn't even remember delivering it. this time, i felt a contraction coming and i pushed slightly and felt it ooze out of me. ew. it was disgusting. lol. i can't even describe it.

then they brought over my swaddled babe!!! she still had vernix on her and her face was super swollen and purple, i assume from my "not pushing" for a few minutes. i kissed her and looked up at charlie and said something like, "she's here!". it was a seriously tender moment and i wish someone had been able to snap a picture of our first moments together. they let me hold her for a few minutes before they had to take her to the NICU. i told charlie to go with her and take the cameras. he ran out of the room and slowly everyone else left the room.

so after two hours of laboring at home, twenty minutes of being at the hospital: my pretty bellz was born!

April 22, 2011
[Good Friday]
5lbs 0 ounces
16.5 inches long
all natural, no epi
and i totally pooped. 


  1. aww what a gorgeous baby! i'm so glad that you had an easy birth with her.

  2. ugh. military hospital? blech.

    I'm glad she's home with you now though.


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