dealing. and saying "until heaven"....

this has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. i have to apologize for being absent here on the blog-o-sphere. my grandma finally passed on august twenty-third. we drove over like lightning and made it just in time to say our goodbyes before they shut off the ventilator. she was already gone before we got there, but i could feel her in the room.

it was an amazing time. there were over 40 people in her ICU room {definitely a lot more than the "no more than 2 at a time" rule they have} and we all sang and prayed. we kissed her and held her hands. i laid my head on her shoulder and just cuddled her. i sang "His Eye Is On The Sparrow" one more time... {i'll actually sang it AGAIN on saturday at her funeral service} and we cried...of course. it took me a moment before i could even walk in the room. i was totally fine but then we got off the elevator and were bombarded with our family members crying in the hallway. it was seriously too much to handle. then my mom dragged me in the room {quite literally} and i purposely looked away from her bed. i looked at the wall for about two minutes before i mustered up the courage to look at her body. i knew INSTANTLY that she wasn't in her body anymore. but i picked up her hand and held it as tight as i could.

you would think saying good bye to her would be the hardest part of this week, but alas...it wasn't. dealing with my grieving family members is the hardest part. and let me tell you why:

i think that it's incredibly sad my grandma is gone. i'm sad for me and my children. i'm selfishly sad. and i understand that everyone is grieving and dealing with this. i also understand that we're not all the same and we deal with things in a different way. that being said- there's SO. MUCH. ARGUING. over stupid stuff. i mean, LITERALLY. there are arguments over her will, her house, her possessions, her funeral arrangements, who is going to do what, who is going to pay for what, who is going to say what, etc. literally- you name it...there's an argument. and i'm over it.

i don't do drama. at least, i try not to. but all i'm surrounded by are people making mean comments and rude remarks at each other and behind each other's back. i hear some of the most ridiculous arguments and i'm witness to crazy hypocrisy. i want to rip my hair out every second i'm here. no one wants to put their egos on the backburner for a little bit and it's driving me nuts. i expected my family to fall apart, but not this quickly. this has brought out the worst in everyone, myself included. and i don't like it. i had to pray over and over for God to restore me to deal with everything in a Christ-like way. there was one point where my aunt, who hates me for some reason, said in front of me {loudly} that the reason that attractive guys are attracted to my sister is because she's so skinny and pretty and just all around gorgeous. now normally, that wouldn't sound bad. but she was doing it as a dig to me. to insinuate that since i'm none of those things, "attractive" {read: players} aren't attracted to me.

but annnnyway. i'm glad to be home. i miss my grandmother something fierce. but overall, i can't even imagine how full her heart was when she crossed over and met her husband, family, and friends in heaven. i can't wait to see her again, that's for sure.

here are some snapshots of the family down in the basement of the church
before her funeral service. and this is only part of all of us. lol
charlie- austin- and my dad, Kirk.
he flew from california to pay his respects to his ex-mother-in-law.

my sister and i. she TOTES used the funeral to make a fashion statement. lol

me and that soldier guy with some onlookers. 

my uncle ben: "alright now!" and other family

same room, different angle.

my "dear"
Florence Everette
June 22, 1936 - August 23, 2011


  1. Its sad to know that their body's are just hallow shells now, Well it look like you all had fun in the end.I'm following!

  2. so sorry about your grama, but that soldier guy is hot. ; )

  3. thanks y'all. and yah rachel, he IS hot huh? and i got to makeout with him! SCORE! LOL

  4. You and your husband are too cute!


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