when he left, all i could think was, "i hate you. i hate you. i hate you. i hate cleaning this house. i hate doing the laundry. i hate caring so much about making things run smoothly. i hate that i care too much. i hate that i can't just stop doing everything and let it all fall to pieces. haaaaaaaate."
i was actually grimacing and scowling in anger while scrubbing the counters. and at one point, i had bella on my hip while i was sweeping one handed and austin was throwing his lunch on the floor. awesome, right?
but at some point, austin started eating his lunch. then when he was done, he went in the living room and played. bella fell asleep and i was able to lie her down on the couch. i went to the kitchen and was no longer juggling, but i was still mad at everything. that is, until i started paying closer attention....
my church is doing a series on the Holy Spirit right now. i didn't go to church but i've heard all of the other sermons in this series so far. we've been hearing about how the Holy Spirit is never gone from us, but we have the power to increase or decrease its power in our lives. i've never really thought of it that way. but it makes sense. and since then, i've been trying to acknowledge when God is speaking to me and exactly what He wants me to know at any given moment.
so here i was scrubbing away, mad at the world, and i start noticing i'm mentally singing a song in my head. does anyone else do that? there's always some song going on in my head...i literally can't turn it off. lol well the one that was playing said this:
"while i may not know you, i bet i know you wonder sometimes, does it matters at all?
well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
as you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
cause he made you,
to do every little thing that you do
to bring a smile to His face
tell the story of grace with every move that you make
and every little thing you do"
if that isn't the Holy Spirit speaking to me, i don't know what is.
and it completely changed my mindset. scouts honor, i started scrubbing and sweeping with a smile on my face. YES, a SMILE. why the grinning fool? because i am incredibly blessed. i get to clean my house and juggle babies. i have two healthy babies who are able to drive me nuts. i have a husband who works hard so that i can stay at home when i'm not at school and take care of those babies. i am able to finish my education and get my degree and follow my musical dreams. i also have a lot of support when it comes to pursuing my other artistic dreams. my house is a mess because it's filled with things we love and can enjoy. i'm cleaning my kitchen because we have food to eat and dishes to use to create wonderful meals. and i will gladly do all of this work because it's all to give Him the glory and the praise He deserves.
i don't have to be blessed. i don't have to have the good times. i could be in a horrible situation. but He chose to put me here and for that, i am thankful.
what is the Holy Spirit saying to you?