lightbulb.

"when the oceans rise and thunders roar, i will soar with you above the storm. Father, You are King over the flood. i will be still and know You are God."

it's amazing to me how quickly i can recite something or sing a song lyric and not even realize what it is that i'm saying. i mean REALLY know what it is that i'm saying. and then there's that "ah-ha!" moment. this weekend has been full of those.

as i approached my twenty-fifth birthday, i was having serious anxiety over it all. for as long as i could remember, twenty-five signaled adulthood. no longer would i have any restrictions over my life. i'd be an adult..FINALLY. and my life was supposed to look a certain way. to say that there was a bit of disappointment as the clock struck 3:02pm {the time i was born} is an understatement. i didn't have a novel published. i wasn't pregnant with my third child. i didn't have a blossoming teaching career. i didn't have a popular and well - liked album on itunes. my marriage wasn't perfection. but like i said before...i was right where i needed to be.

this past weekend pastor jim talked about the story of abraham. we're doing a Heroes series in church, talking about ordinary people with extraordinary impact. the first person being abraham. did you know that abraham was seventy-five years old when God told him to leave everything he knew behind and follow God towards His promise? did you know he was one hundred years old before that promise was even fulfilled. that's twenty-five years guys! MY ENTIRE LIFE. first off, can you imagine getting THAT call from God? {go, leave your home and your family and follow me to an unknown destination}....um, i can tell you right now there'd be a lot of, "wait...you want me to do WHAT, God? hmm i don't know....." let's be honest!! we all would be TERRIFIED. and then to not see any real indication of those promises happening any time soon? yea, i can see some bravado starting to waver. 

we'd all be like Sarah...{formerly Sarai}, abraham's wife. let's create a shortcut. let's do this OUR way. which will only yield unhappy results. and despite knowing this...why do i continue to think it's my way or the highway?

talk about a lightbulb switching on. there's a lot more to this whole story and i really implore you to check it out. Genesis 12-22 is where you can find it. really..go read it. what's beautiful about the whole thing is that despite it all....the uncertainty, the waiting, the doubt...Abraham trusted in God and His promise. God promised all of His children two things: that the journey has a happy ending and that He'll be with us the entire way. yes...even YOU! i don't know what else He has in store for me, but i'm learning to just trust and know that it's all in His hands and i don't have to worry about any of it.

i'm the QUEEN of taking matters into my own hands and making my own decisions because i *CLEARLY* know what's best for me. "hey God...hey, yea..i think i'll take it from here". and like the great Father He is...He lets me make those decisions and lets me fall on my face because He knows that's what i need. and He allows those things to happen because He is an amazing, loving Father. and when i'm crying out for help, no matter WHAT i may have done...HE. IS. THERE. every single time. without fail. all i have to do is ask and He'll provide.

He just wants our love and devotion. He wants to help us. He wants to fulfull His promises to us. and who am i to get in the way of that? i don't want to anymore. and i guess i never really have, but i wasn't aware that i was even doing it. i want to follow Him. i want to please Him. i want to remove myself from the equation and just follow His will. whatever it may be for my life. 

i want to pursue a life of significance, not success. i want to have a prompt faith, a contagious faith, an enduring faith. i believe that God has provided for me and you and He'll always provide. He sent His only Son to provide everlasting life and that, in and of itself, was already too much. but i am THANKFUL. i am so thankful that i know Him as my Father and that i know i don't have to do any of this alone. i've never actually been alone, even when it felt like it. He was standing there all along just waiting for me to look around and see Him and call out to Him. what an amazing God i serve.