Confessions.

Sooo last night I ended up confessing to Charlie the whole scenario on the incident with Mr. ASSHAT! I was walking to the busstop [powerwalking!] and was like, "So...I firmly believe in telling the truth and keeping the lines of communication open..." and he started FREAKING OUT! Someone was calling for him in the background and I was like, "Oh. You can go. I'll wait." and he was like, "No babe. Tell me. What's going on..."

After I finished telling him he was so happy that I told him. He totally understood and reassured me that he trusts me and isn't worried at all. He was like, "All guys are like that. You and I could be married and he'd probably still be doing that. Some guys just don't learn....You're beautiful and guys just want to be with you. I understand...don't worry."It felt SOOO good to get that off of my chest and out in the open. I reassured him I don't put myself in those situations and that I wasn't going to hang with that guy anymore.

And somehow we got on the topic of me graduating school and my plans to move to California. I told him that I will officially be done with school in Jan '11 and that my original plan was to move to San Diego since nothing was really keeping me here. He was like, "baby.. I'll have proposed to you by then so you're stuck in washington with me."LOL.

That just explains how I feel about it. I mean, I KNOW it's early. C'mon. But I believe that when you know, you know. I had plans to marry my ex. We had been together for 2 months when he gave me a ring. At the 1.5 year mark he gave me the go-ahead to start tentatively planning the wedding. We weren't officially engaged, but we had set the date for 10.02.10 [our anniversary]. So through all of that, I didn't feel NEARLY as much as I feel for Charlie. I've always thought that I needed to be with someone for at least 5 years before we even think about marriage. But it's different..you girls know the feeling I'm sure...I'm also sick of the skeptics. My first serious boyfriend told me last night [we broke up six years ago] that he doesn't want to be around when it doesn't work out. My uncle said that desperation is so unattractive. My friend [who is in the airforce and thinks all military men are cheating bastards] tells me I'm stupid for being with him and feeling this way. It makes me not want to even talk about our relationship which isn't fair.

I'm so happy. More happy than I've ever been in my life. And I may be young but I have enough experience to run CIRCLES around those who are older than me. I know what I feel and I know it's real. I shouldn't have to hide those feelings because people don't understand. Trust me- this situation isn't ideal nor is it fun. But it is what it is. I love Charlie and I'm not ashamed of it, but people try to make me feel like I am.

I really appreciate MIG. The pain I've been feeling in the last few days is starting to manifest itself in my body. I literally ACHE for him. But I have to be STRONG. MIG's are some of the strongest women on the planet. I seriously admire all of you.Okay. That's all on that. I should post another one on what happened this morning.