Serious?

I want to break something right now. Mostly his face.

I can't believe this right now. Part of me feels like I'm overreacting, but another feels justified.

Blegh. I guess I should explain myself. Today, Charlie and I went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants McCormick and Schmidts. I love their seafood and had a $20 gift certificate, not to mention I know all of the people there and they love me. [My job is right next door and I'm always giving them free drnks. lol] Anyway. We're having a great dinner and all of a sudden, he looks at me and is like, "I have to get something off my chest."

Immediately, I feel my stomach drop and my body go into "survival mode" aka NUMB. So he proceeds to tell me that before we were "officially" bf/gf , well on the actual day that we became official, he kissed another girl. It didn't mean anything but he is really sorry. It's been eating him up this entire time and he finally decided to tell me. So why am I hurt? Well because before we were officially together, I'd asked him to be with me and he said, "In my mind we already ARE together". So technically he cheated. Not only that, that SAME NIGHT [that he kissed the girl] he told me he loved me. So I'm glad that kissing another girl helped him realize that he loved me! *sarcasm*

I thought I'd be happy to see him today. And I am, but we've had several arguments today, our first time with makeup sex, only to argue more. The last one was because one of my friends from back in my semi-pro cheerleading days [he's a football player] called and was on speakerphone when he asked me for a sexy pic. Charlie got mad and stormed out of the room. I told the guy that I was married [he didn't know] and he stopped. But really, most of my guy friends [keep in mind I don't chat with them as often anymore-like once a month] and I have a real "sexual" relationship. Not that we did anything sexual, but we always talked about it. The closest to naked this guy has seen me is in a bikini during football camp and car washes. We have never nor will we ever get close to hook up..that's just our dynamic. So Charlie gets mad at me and is yelling at me like I'm this horrible person. I'm like, "REALLY?! You kissed another girl and I'M the bad one?! REALLY?!"

Blegh. I thought I'd found the exception. I thought he wasn't like other guys. Turns out, he is in some way. It sucks so bad. My heart hurts right now. I don't want to stop trusting him, but the fact that he lied to me for 3 months, even let me MARRY him without knowing the truth...

:[