Gosh...I'm TRYING!

So I have this customer at work that I call my "coffee crush". All of the girls there have them. It's just an innocent, little school girl crush on some random guy that comes in that we find attractive on the outside and [if we're brave enough] on the inside as well. Harmless.

Well after shooting some FB messages back and forth with mine whilst working today, I felt kind of bad. I haven't felt this "giddy" feeling for Charlie is a little while. With us fighting and the stress of TTC and every day life....it left my heart a bit hardened towards him. The love I have for him is still great, but that initial tingling has started dwindling down to a state of comfort. We're COMFORTABLE with each other and that's great, but I started to wish I felt the same tinglies for him instead of my coffee crush.

So I built up some anticipation within myself on the way home from work. I got so excited when I saw him sitting in the car waiting for me. That first kiss felt good..new even. I was excited for the rest of the day spent with him. Then at some point, we went to the vet to get Princess' anal glands checked out [gross, I know] and we started looking at gerbils, hamsters, and fish. He wants fish and I couldn't care less what we get as long as we get another pet. Something fresh, exciting, and minimal work since we're just so crazy right now. Well he wanted to wait and I wanted to buy it now. I know I could've waited, but I was having a moment. My parents ALWAYS did this to me!! We'd go to a pet store and look but NEVER buy!! You should NEVER do this to your kid. So I was regressing to my childhood when he told me no. He said some mean things and I got my feelings hurt. And the rest of the day [and my intended plan to re-fall-in-love-with-my-husband]....totally spoiled.

I'm so sad that we're not out in the sunshine enjoying the weather and each other. I came inside and took a nap and woke up feeling horrid. I just want to sleep the rest of the day away and not look at him. As stupid and childish as it sounds, he hurt my feelings. I wasn't in the wrong for just voicing that I wanted to get a fish today. And to make matters worse....he just keeps pulling things out and not putting them back, he's hogging the tv, he fixes food and then leaves the dirty dishes and food containers out on the counter....

*smacks forehead on table*