you want WHAT..again?

It's a weird dilemma to have, but alas...it's my reality. I've always had a high sex drive. During the dating years, after six months, the beau of choice would begin to lose interest in the act. I always felt I'd never meet anyone who could "keep up", if you will. So imagine my surprise nowadays when Charlie's sex drive is the only insatiable one in the house.

We have been baby dancing now practically every night for over a month. My cycles have been way off so we don't want to miss that "golden moment". I'm not saying I don't enjoy it, but I am sooo tired. *yawn* (and total TMI: the boy can cause some major pain if ykwim). The way things have been going, everytime we go to the bedroom he's programmed to think it's time to get busy. It's a bit frustrating. With all of the things I've got going on everyday, the LAST thing I WANT to do is work up a sweat. He always says he doesn't mind, but I hate telling him no. I really believe in your body not being your own, but your husbands, so for me to deny him what is rightfully his....I feel like a dirtbag.

I know that right now given my current body image issues, I don't feel sexy. He is a wonderful man, constantly giving affection and telling me how he feels about my body. But the fact is, regardless of how he feels, I feel disgusting. I enjoy walking around the house in next to nothing (usually shorts and a tanktop, or just a top and underwear). I'll hear him compliment me then I'll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and gasp in horror. I am at the heaviest I've EVER been (30lbs over a healthy weight for my height/body type). I wear the weight well enough, but I don't feel like my usually active self.

I've changed my eating habits and am involved in the gym. Currently, I'm taking a break from strenuous workouts. My heartrate has been skyrocketing lately for no reason and I frequently get chest pain just sitting around so Charlie wants me to go see a doctor before I hit the gym again. Charlie, a naturally thin man can just do a few situps and push ups, a run, and stay away from junk to maintain his 6pack and toned body. (grr!)

I guess I just need to get out of my own head for awhile. If he doesn't see a prob, I shouldn't either. Easier said than done, but I'm resolving to be more positive and give him what he wants. hmm. We'll see how it goes.

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