some people's kids. *shakes head*
in all my books i've purchased since we decided to try for a baby, they all say that pregnancy/birth/raising kids is personal and a touchy subject. once people learn you're pregnant, they tend to have some kind of story/advice/horror to tell you about. that is great, lovely, welcoming and annoying all at the same time. sometimes it's great because they've been there before you have and it's nice to have some of your fears laid to rest [or heightened in some cases..lol]. other times it's tiring because you didn't ask for it. it's a toss up.
but when you're asked about your birth plan, pregnancy choices, and child rearing attitude and it doesn't fit into the standard mold, people tend to get really rude and the conversation gets messy. because i'm "granola" with some of my choices i've encountered so many people harping down on me. it's slightly ridiculous. i'm reaching a point where i get defensive when people ask questions because of all the bad experiences i've had. i don't divulge all information because i don't want to hear why i'm crazy or reckless for the decisions i'm making. and let me clarify...I'M not making these decisions all on my own. yes i have to carry the baby and give birth to it, but my husband is the ultimate authority our household. i will NOT make a decision as important as this if he's not on board with me. our choices are backed up and made with reference to our faith, our experience, and our research. we're not jumping on the bandwagon because it's the cool thing to do. we are making informed decisions that work best for OUR situation. some things aren't for everyone and we respect and honor that.
okay. so i voted yes on the legality of homebirths w/ certified midwives on FB and it showed up the live feed on the homepage. one of my friends who just had a baby not too long ago saw it and updated her status to say that she "finds herself getting irritated when people are so willing to take risks just to follow the latest trend..even if it can put yourself and others lives in danger." i figured this HAD to do with giving birth or children so i inquired what she meant specifically. she sent me a msg and i responded. and for your enjoyment...the msgs...
Her Message to Me:
Well it was actually your response to that poll that posted on your profile. With my experience delivering Avery, had I chosen to do a homebirth or something along those lines, I would have lost Avery. And the crazy thing was I would have been a prime candidate for a home birth. I had absolutely no complications during my pregnancy, shoot I didn't even had morning sickness! But all it takes is a split second for something to go wrong with either you or the baby...after I delivered Avery the DR told me that had my water broke at home he wouldn't have made it. So I just worry that people aren't making informed decisions, and that because something is different and unusual they want to try it too even though the risks can definitely outweigh the benefits.
LOL I'm off my soap box now. I'm sure you will make smart choices when it comes to your baby! It just reminded me of so many things I've been hearing from a lot of different people lately. Hope I didn't offend you in any way!
My Message to Her: [it's a long'un]
I can totally understand you feeling that way. Especially with Avery's delivery being completely unexpected. I agree that a lot of people jump on the bandwagon because it's the "cool and hip" thing to do. And that's totally wrong and puts everyone at risk. I'd say the difference between those people and other "crunchy" moms choosing alternative birthing methods [like other friends of mine] is that we research like CRAZY to figure out what the best option is for us.
For the last few years, I'd been contemplating what I'd do once I got pregnant. You've got 40wks to figure out how you want this thing to go and there's a sense of "pressure" to figure it out. At least that's how I feel lately. LOL. I knew that there would be absolutely no drugs involved, limited interventions, etc. I just want to be comfortable and relaxed with as little people involved as possible. I was 100% opposed to giving birth anywhere but a hospital because that's what society and the med field tells us. "Births are emergencies and they must only take place in a hospital."- in their opinion. But scientific research has proved that having a homebirth is just as safe, if not more than having your baby in a hospital. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule such as complicated/high-risk pregnancies and deliveries such as yours. But for the general population, giving birth ISN'T an emergency situation. When you think about it, our bodies were MEANT for this. For thousands of years, women gave birth without any assistance or from older women/mom's in their community [the old school midwives]. Yes the infant/mother fatality was a definitely a factor, but the majority of women/babies that died were products of poor conditions [ie: dirty water, dirty supplies, poor standards of living, etc.] There was a study that I read about yesterday that said that if you were to compare the amount of fatalities of healthy women/babies in ideal conditions [as ideal as they could've been given the decade they were in, ykwim] and today..it's actually GONE UP since hospital births became the norm.
In this day and age, birth has become McDonald-ized. It has this fast-food mentality. You come in, they strap you to the bed, deny you food and free movement, and if the birth is progressing at the speed in which THEY deem necessary they start shooting you and the baby up with all kinds of drugs that are the reason things get complicated. I don't want that birth experience. Especially considering how the women in my family labor. My mom labored for 3 days with me and I was delivered 3 months early!! There is NO way they'd allow that in this day and age. My sister's labor was just as long, but they doped my mom up with Pitocin among other things. That stressed my sister out so much that she ended up defecating in the womb right before she came out. If they'd let my mom labor naturally like she preferred, I'm sure the result would've been different.
When it comes down to it, going to the hospital raises my blood pressure. ESPECIALLY THE ARMY HOSPITAL It's been proven. LOL. Doctors make me nervous, just like going to a new hair salon. These people are trained to cut and operate. They're so quick to make snap decisions based on what THEY want to do rather than what's best for the patient and the situation at hand. I don't want to put my body or my child in that kind of care. I'm all for midwives/doulas and when it comes down to it, if I need to have an unassisted birth- I'll do it. My body knows what to do. Yes, we're running the risk of something going horribly wrong at the last moment. But with trained/certified midwives, they're just like doctors without the need to cut/operate if that makes sense. They'll know what to do in the time it takes an ambulance to arrive or while driving to the hospital. Being informed and having the right equipment/knowledge/people is how we plan to do this birth. A lot of people don't understand it and don't accept it. But if those same people were to do the research, they'd see how unnecessary hospital births are. Now in all honesty, if come time for me to give birth there is something wrong, like the baby is breech or too early or too late, we're going to the hospital. I'm not opposed to their methods if it makes sense, ykwim? But I don't take pills before there's a problem just in case. I wait until there is pain or a necessity.
I hope I didn't offend you or anyone else. Birth is so personal for each individual and it's hard for a lot of people to have an open mind when it comes to situations such as this. I doubt you're one of the hardheads. LOL. Okay..I think I'm done preaching. :)
i wish i could say that her response/status update is the only one i've had to encounter. but alas, it is not. and i don't think it'll be the last. *sigh*