How can you not love this kid?
Last night, my sweet babe slept in his crib all alone and has not woken up yet to call for his mommy. It wasn't planned or anything, but since he was wide awake when we finally retired to bed, Charlie rocked him to sleep and put him in there. Usually a few hours will pass and I'll bring him to our bed. It's always nice to wake up to a cuddly little Austin-bear. But he hasn't called for me yet! And while I feel superbly rested [enough to be up writing a blog before 6am], I miss my cuddly buddy. I usually wrap my body to curve around his and lately, he's been "petting" me when he nurses. It's so sweet. But not this morning.
I just love him so much. Who knew, really? Who knew that my heart could grow to fit another person in there. I thought it was already full with Charlie. And even though I sometimes doubt all of this, I know that mommyhood is exactly where I belong. I'm not good at being the single girl. I'm not good at just being a wife. Oh, but I'm really good at being mommy. Even when all I want to do is go running out of the house, turn off my phone and never look back [because I've for sure felt that way] I know that I'll never be as good at anything else as I am at being a mommy. That's not saying I don't do this wrong or everything is perfect. Please! My house is constantly in shambles and I rarely bother with makeup or wearing clean clothes daily. If I shower in the morning, it's a stroke of good luck and timing. And sometimes Austin is a terror. He doesn't even cry most of the time, it's just grunting and whining until he gets truly pissed. THEN it's the infamous cry. I have to say though, this kid could make MILLIONS for how hollywood his cry is. It's textbook baby cry sounding. lol But even with all of that, I am great at this.
Do you know how great it feels to truly know someone? If you're a mommy, of course you do! I know what he wants all most of the time. And the kid doesn't even speak yet. I just know. And people would tell me that I'd begin to just understand him as we bonded more, but I didn't really believe them. I mean, how can someone know another person if most of the communication is unorganized wailing? But there's a method to the madness that took time for me to understand.
It goes without saying that I love this kid more than my own life. Of course. Duh! But I really just can't stop saying it. My heart literally is beating for him. Who knew such a love affair could exist?