So Monday has come and gone...
I woke up early this morning and got ready for the day. My friend Janie came over and [after going back and forth on "should i wake him up? should i let him sleep?"] I finally woke Austin up and we went to Madigan for my blood test.
I bribed the guy to put a rush on my blood work and since I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan, he did.
I called four hours early.
And I'm not pregnant.
To be honest, last night I had a mini freak out while taking a bath with Austin. How am I gonna do this? I feel like crap right now and I can't put Austin down. How am I gonna juggle all of this while dealing with the pregnancy? What if I dry up? What if I run myself down to the ground and end up on bed rest? How can we honestly afford another baby? My marriage isn't as great as it should be, would adding another baby be the BEST thing right now? What about Austin? Does he even WANT a sibling? Would we be taking away from him if we have another one?
I'm a tad relieved that I'm not baking another one. True, there could be some mixup because Madigan has been known [on several occasions] to mess up my lab work. But as of now...I am not with child and that's okay. My birthday is on Thursday so I can drink and get wild and crazy. And we're having a party on Friday so I can get even MORE wasted. lol kidding. [well, sorta]
I don't know if we'll use birth control. We might just try keeping it in God's hands and tempting the fates. [Does that phrase even make sense? lol]
Drinks on me!! Let's get naked wasted. lol
I don't really understand "leaving it in God's hands." From everything you've said you know that you are not ready for another child, so why not be a proactive adult and prevent a pregnancy that you know you are not ready for?
ReplyDeleteIt's the same way when we were actively trying for Austin. I didn't feel I was "ready" and can you tell me anyone who feels 100% ready for that step in life, especially at the age I'm at? I know I want to have 3 kids. I know I want to have them relatively close in age. I know I want to have all of them before I begin my teaching career. I can tell you that after graduating in May, I'm going to grad school either in the summertime or in the fall. After grad school, I plan on working on that teaching certification [unless I can do both simultaneously]. I can tell you that sometime after getting both of those done, I'm going to want to start teaching. According to all of that, I "need" to have my children soon. Right?
ReplyDeleteFrom what I posted, those are rational questions and legitimate fears to have. This doesn't mean I'm not "ready" to have more children. It just means I'm a thinker and a processor and as spontaneous as I tend to be, I usually have a real, honest discussion with myself before jumping head first into the water.
Leaving it in God's hands is exactly what we did in the first place. We did everything we could think of to have a baby, yet we didn't have one until 2 months later. We felt that it was God's timing. And based on the successes and failures we've been through, I can say with total certainty that it was ALL on God's time. So after talking with my husband and consulting God and telling Him to "have His way" regarding our family planning...we're going to continue on what we're doing. Sometimes we use condoms, sometimes we don't. This last time, I wasn't on anything [except breastfeeding] and we did everything TO get pregnant and it didn't happen. What does that tell you? It's not in His plan for me to be pregnant right now.
And that works for me. :)
I'm still late! But three negative tests, my gyno said to wait until I was 3 weeks late to come in because I didn't test positive at home home until after I was 7 weeks with Babe.
ReplyDeleteGood luck in whatever you guys decide!
It some how all works out- TRUST ME. Maybe in time you will "really know". After all, my second little blessing came as quite a surprise... We planned for months with our daughter and after an exhausting 10months she sinally planted. Now Jackson was one drunken home alone night-oops. But in the end it all worked out as God planned. Good Luck Mama and happy early birthday- get wild and have fun!
ReplyDeleteListen, here's the thing. No one can predict whether or not you will get pregnant. To me, either you want to get pregnant or you don't. If you want to get pregnant, you toss out the birth control and wait until it happens. Again, no guarantee, but you're trying. If you post something to your public blog, full of all of the reasons you don't feel prepared to have a child, people who read it will assume you don't want to get pregnant and wonder why you're not on birth control. If you know what you want is to have a baby, even if you don't feel 100% prepared, then why the tortuous post?
ReplyDelete