I don't know what to do anymore. I don't seem to be able to please this guy. And I'm on the verge of telling him to stop acting like a freakin priss and get off my balls.

But I don't have balls.

Long story short- in class today I had a panic attack. I stayed for as long as I could. Longer than humanly possible even. Longer than this douchebag would've...because let's be real...he could NOT handle what I was just feeling. He'd run around screaming for attention. In any case, I finally walked out because I felt like I was about to vomit if I stayed longer. I couldn't breathe. My chest was seizing up on me. I tried everything I could think of [other than plopping a squat on the floor] to make the anxiety go away but nothing worked.

So I ran out.

I stood in a window in just my tanktop. I breathed slowly and deeply until the tightness went away. I put my head down. I lied down. I splashed water on my face. I did a bunch of things and finally I felt somewhat better.

I called my friend who calmed me down a bit more and she gave me advice on what to do and how to approach the teacher. I went back into the room ready to face the lions. [Because, did I mention this teacher likes to teach by shame and humiliation?Splendid]

Class ended as soon as I walked in and rather than act like an adult and privately speak to me about what happened, he LOUDLY asked why I ran out of class. In front of everyone. I'm not a very shy person for the most part and had nothing to be ashamed of anyway so I told him. I had an anxiety attack. I told him what I thought could be the culprit, but I also know it's a combination of things. If he hadn't started talking over me and trying with all his might to embarrass me by saying "it's not his fault" and "he can't do anything about it" and "i need to take a xanax before the next class"...then he might've heard all of those reasons.

But instead he chose to be an ass.

I don't know what to do. I've attempted to complain about another faculty member before only to be told that I'm stuck with her as a teacher for my ENTIRE senior year. NEVERMIND that I've sacrificed the last three years with her, I need to do it again. Oh, but these brand spankin new freshmen who haven't even done ANYTHING with their lives, music or talent...they get the new teacher. The one I DESERVE.

Obviously, I'm a little pissed at this entire school today.

And to make matters worse...my chest still fucking burns.


  1. Aww...sorry that you had such a rough day at school, but you have to remember to pray the answer and not the problem. Just think you don't have that much longer to go.

  2. Your prof sounds like a real ass :( What a bummer that you're not enjoying your class because of this jerk.

    Dealing with mean, snarky teachers like that is one of the reasons I do not miss school. Funny how someone can make you feel like you're in high school or even grade school again, when you're a grown adult.

    Like YUMmama said, just take comfort in the fact that you're almost at the finish line! :)


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