i think i have a problem, y'all.
[beware: there's tmi's in this post]
i denied it for several days, but really i was in labor last week. and some people get excited, but really- it's not a good thing. you see, i'm still in the EARLY baking stage. i'd like to keep her in for just a few more weeks. according to my due date, i need three more weeks. but according to when she was conceived, i'll be safe in exactly two weeks. [more on that later.]
now that i'm home and not in the hospital, but still on bedrest...i keep feeling like i'm going to go into labor at. any. moment. like everything is freaking me out. [here come those tmi's...] take for example, the start and stop of my contractions. i'll have steady contractions all night, but as soon as i start to time them, they stop. or i'll have a ton of backache/menstrual cramping sensations....they were so bad the other night i paced my house and tossed and turned in bed for over four hours before i could get some relief. but nothing happened, obviously.
or like how your body has this sort of "elimination" system to prep you for labor. you know, cleaning out the pipes *ahem* so you don't poo on the table. [thankfully this didn't happen to me while delivering austin..lol] well y'all- i'm pooping on average twice a day. TWICE. A. DAY. i don't think i'm even eating enough to produce that much junk <----hehe. but there it is...coming right out of me. AND IT'S LOOSE!!
there's other things like tons of pressure down there in my pelvic region and sharp pains on my cervix, which i attribute to her rubbing her head down there and getting into position. and just feeling plain ole' "heavy". and gosh- can my belly get any bigger? i don't think so. it feels like it's gonna fall right off my body one of these days!!
the doc told me to come in whenever i experience any of these symptoms, but honestly- i don't want to go because i know they'll just send me home. and i don't want to chance them accidentally breaking my bag of waters or wanting to induce me or something. i'm already at 4cm with minimal work so that'll just make getting to 10 that much easier, right? although, the contrax i had last night felt like they were opening me up some more. can you imagine? being at 5cm+ when getting into active labor? oooh that'd be fantastic!
back to the point- i seriously keep thinking i'm in labor. and it's not cool. i'm always panicking because my phone is dead or charlie won't answer his phone. lol i think when it actually happens [unless my water breaks first] i'm going to think it's a joke. and speaking of water breaking, i'm so paranoid of that happening. i have towels and blankets underneath me all. the. time. i didn't get to experience that really so i'm worried about what it'll feel like if it happens on its own.
ugh. i just want the next few weeks to pass quickly so bella can put me out of my misery. because believing you're in labor when you're really not is a pretty stressful way to live, friends. pretty stressful, indeed.