somebody haaaaaaalp!

can you hear me screaming and pleading with the interwebz? because i am. lol someone please tell me what i can do....

my son is seventeen months old. he'll be eighteen months, a whole year and a half, in ten days. and i'm really excited. i've been looking forward to this age for quite awhile. but here's the thing: he doesn't talk. like still. he hasn't said one. single. word. other than dada, which isn't really a word. the thing is, he does communicate. sometimes pretty effectively. it's just that most of the time he is whining. and when i say whining friends, i mean that they could put him in a room with a hardened criminal and break that guy down after five minutes of austin's whining. it's just straight painful. and i'm totally unsure of what to do.

then there's the bellz. she really is great, unless she wants to be un-great...in which she is never satisfied. and usually it happens at the worst times. like when i'm cooking dinner or when i'm trying to put austin to bed or when i'm finally getting a few moments to myself or, my personal favorite, when i'm stuck in traffic and just can't pull over. for the most part she is content, but then when she's not....all hell breaks loose.

i know that right now my only job is to take care of these kiddos, but lately i'm feeling overwhelmed. can we just be honest here? taking care of kids is hard. yea, i'd definitely say it's a lot easier than being a work-outside-the-home mom. because i can't even imagine having to make sure i had childcare, enough milk, diaper bags packed and everything to go to work five (or more) days per week. i just can't. and i'm glad i don't have to.

part of me feels bad because i feel the need to take a few minutes to myself more often than not these days. with the husband working nights (6pm-6am), i'm literally on my own during the worst part of the day! i can handle daytimes- usually he's gone before we wake up and then he comes back shortly after naptime. but nights?! ugh. first austin cries when daddy leaves and then wants me to hold him. and then bella usually has to eat or needs some encouragement to go to sleep. and of course, my house is a wreck and it brings on anxiety if i don't clean it. and lately, they've been staying up until two or three in the morning...are you catching my drift? two under two is friggin hard.

ugh. but then i don't WANT to complain. because i know people who are trying to have kids. people who've lost children. people who just have it worse off than i do. and for the most part, i have nothing to complain about other than exhaustion. oh and feeling like a single parent (because dad sleeps most of the day anyway). i feel like i'm just losing my mind. like i'm just teetering on the edge of insanity and who knows when i'll just plunge over the side.

this post is really nothing more than a rant. if there's any advice out there, please give it. i'd gladly welcome anything. for now, i'm going to look at pictures that make me happy, get a coffee machine and start chugging on the caffeine several times a day just to make it. and of course, keep praying for strength, patience, and wisdom.