ok. so....since i left texas in march, i've been sans kiddos. (for those that don't know- my kids are in spokane with their crazy grandparents, aunts/uncles and cousins...living it up and enjoying all the attention) without having to tend to them or a husband, i've had praaaaaactically all the freedom in the world. i stayed up late. i drank too much. i slept in. partied my little booty off. i stumbled into work with massive hangovers. i flirted. i gave my number out. i ate poorly. i rarely cooked and opted to pay someone else to cook and serve me. i went outside without a jacket on. etc. etc.
basically, i was a twentysomething again. and i'm not going to lie, it. has. been. ah-MAY-zing. i still talked to the kiddos and went to visit them and whatnot, but for the most part- i was the old kiranda again.
today, is my last day of real freedom. tomorrow i head to texas to start the moving process with charlie. he has chosen to make joint base lewis mcchord his phase2 site to finish up nuclear medicine school. and i couldn't be happier. despite whatever obstacles we've faced and have yet to face as coparents, friends and still, husband and wife, he is my best friend and i feel more complete when he is around. i know he is excited to get out of the texas heat (it gives him anxiety) and i know the kids will benefit much, much more with both mommy and daddy in their lives. but to say i'm not anxious and a bit sad at this revelation would be a lie.
i have THOROUGHLY enjoyed this freedom. especially with all the drama i've had in the past year or so,i really needed it. but now i worry how i'll transition back to mommyhood mode. i am legit worry i'll feel a lot of resentment...and that's not what i want. i chose those babies and that life and i hope i haven't lost sight of what's really important in life. i think a lot of this has to do with the fact that i'm not yet 25 and i've already settled in, if you know what i mean. i wouldn't say i miss the lonely nights and the hangovers or that i prefer them to the sense of purpose i feel being a mom. but there's something about being carefree and having no responsibility.
so tonight i'm doing it up right. if you see a hungover girl milling around seatac or fort worth tomorrow, give her a high-five and buy her a drink